Hiram Monserrate: Queens City Douchebag

Posted by: Tristan

Hiram Monserrate is apparently a douchebag’s douchebag, a douchebag that other douchebags look at and say “Now THAT guy is a real douchebag!!!”

Hot-tempered city councilman Hiram Monserrate was accused of slashing his girlfriend’s face with broken glass Friday, leaving her with 20 stitches and a black eye.

What’s worse, he even shows up to court dressed like a douchebag.

Wearing black Adidas sweatpants, a Mets cap and a black wool jacket, the 41-year-old ex-cop from Elmhurst, Queens, looked weary as he stood before Judge Toko Sarita at his arraignment in Queens Criminal Court.

The city councilman was quick to pull a douchebag defense.

The city councilman claimed the injuries were accidental. “I brought her a glass of water, I leaned over and tripped,” according to a statement read in court.

Of course, Karla Giraldo, Monserrate’s girlfriend/victim was quick to enable.

Kessler said Monserrate’s girlfriend, Karla Giraldo, 29, first told hospital staff he broke a glass in his hand during a heated argument and stabbed her in the face with the shards. She later changed her story and said it was an accident.

Then she walked into the screen door a couple dozen times.

Monserrate with a more sympathetic audience: