Jose Offerman, the Starting Second Baseman for Your 2010 Major League Douchebag All Star Team

Retired Red Sox and Dodgers All Star Second Baseman Jose Offerman punched an umpire in the face on Saturday (click for video).  Offerman, now the manager of the Licey Tigers Dominican Winter League squad, saw the umpire eject Licey Tigers Catcher Ronny Paulino, who also plays part-time for the AAAA-level Pittsburgh Pirates during the Dominican Winter League offseason.  What did the umpire do?  Say the Magic Words to Jose?

Former Red Sox Second Baseman Wil Cordero had no comment, as his phone has inexplicably been off the hook for hours now.  As you may remember, Cordero beat the hell out of his wife with a phone back in 1997.  Like a true gentleman, he started beating her with his fists.  However, she tried to call the cops.  This prompting Wil to beat her with the phone receiver and strangle her with the cord.

What’s the deal with Red Sox Second Basemen committing violent crimes?  Remember when Marty Barrett killed that hooker?  Or when Bobby Doerr bottled that guy that scuffed his wingtip?  Those things didn’t really happen, but in recalling the violent crimes of Offerman and Cordero, they almost sound believable.  My Kingdom for a Jody Reed.

Is there something in that Dirty Water in Boston that encourages abuse?  Phillies Pitcher Brett Myers never beat his wife publicly until he touched down in Boston for that fateful interleague series.  As a brief aside – if Brett Myers throws a single pitch for the Astros this season, he’s the Major League Douchebag All Star Team’s Starting Pitcher.  *Click here for another example of Brett Myers being a violent douchebag to a competent reporter*

Getting back to Offerman, this isn’t even the first time he’s done something like this!  Offerman has been in some sort of Accelerated Rehabilitation probation program since 2007, stemming from an on-field assault in a 2007 Independent league game.

The story goes that Offerman was hit by a Matt Beech slider after the first few pitches had buzzed him, down 6-0 in the IL game.  Offerman went all Problem Child and took his bat to the mound to take part in some of the ol’ Ultra-V.  Subtract about ten style points for that lack of sport fighting class.  (MLB legend Tommy John explains what happned here.)  Offerman swung the bat several times, breaking Beech’s right (non-throwing) middle finger and striking catcher John Nathans in the head, ultimately ending his career with a massive concussion.

Beech was a junkballing MLB Picher in the late 90’s and Nathans a floundering Minor League Catcher, but both of their careers were cut short here.  Not by fate, but by a fuckoff who couldn’t control his temper.  Jose Offerman ended two professional careers because he lost his shit.

The worst part is that he lost his shit again on Saturday.  It’s like if The Juice went and cut two more people’s heads off.  This jackass should not be allowed within five hundred feet of a ballpark.

Jose Offerman created his legacy when he was run out of Major League Baseball and continued to fail in the Bush Leagues: A deficient-fielding, light-hitting 2B who somehow stumbled his way onto two MLB All Star teams.  His legacy is one of almost complete shame and embarrassment.  Welcome to the MLD All Star Team, Jose!