The 2010 NFL Playoffs, An Intermediate Guide

Posted by: Nick Stej

Part 3: The Conference Championships

The NFL Conference Championship round is when things get serious.  A single moment in either game can change everything.  If Brett Favre doesn’t hit Webster between the numbers with an awful interception in OT of the ’08 Playoffs, maybe the Packers win the NFC and go on to get stomped by the Patriots, who perhaps complete their perfect season.  Maybe Dwight Clark drops Montana’s pass in ’81 and there is no 49ers dynasty in the 80’s.

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New York Jets (5) at Indianapolis Colts (1), Sunday 3:00 CBS

Likewise, Peyton Manning has the opportunity this Sunday to prove himself as a clutch Quarterback and cement himself as arguably the greatest of all time by going on to win a second Super Bowl.  If the Colts lose, and the Jets go on to take the Lombardi Trophy, Mark Sanchez wears a fur coat for life.  Rex Ryan is justified for calling out The Hoodie and everyone else in the NFL and suddenly becomes Weeb Ewbank.

Rex Ryan is fun as Hell to listen to.  When asked whether the Jets have a puncher’s chance against the Colts during a press conference between his second daily Breakfast and Brunch, Ryan snapped “We’ve got a puncher’s chance like George Foreman would have a puncher’s chance.”

That kind of violent intensity has transformed an average Jets defense into the class of the NFL.  That same vicious defense should be able to bridle the Colts’ explosive passing attack long enough for Sanchez to slip in a few essential big plays amidst the onslaught of ground pounders Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene.

Something is telling me that this game will be decided in the final seconds.  Manning has the weapons, but the Jets have the mojo flowin’.

Note: The first person who thinks that they are clever in alluding to the fact that the Jets beat the Colts in Super Bowl III should be immediately punched in the dick.  This person is likely to appear on your TV, so watch the pregame show on an old tube-style set to avoid costly repairs to the new LCD in your living room.

Minnesota Vikings (2) at New Orleans Saints (1), Sunday 6:30 FOX

The Artist Formerly Known as and Again Presently Known as Prince, apparently a purple-assed Vikings fan, has released a sweet new fight song to fire up his team.  (link to “Purple and Gold” by Prince)  Doesn’t this song make you want to spear tackle Devery Henderson right between the numbers?  No, it makes you want to dive straight into a fucking wood chipper.  I had no idea that Prince was tight with all those old ladies who sing too loudly and too shrilly during Catholic masses.  You’re a legend, Prince.  Get your shit together.

Making the celebreality of this game even worse is Reggie Bush.  The first superstar performance of his opened the door for a pub-grab for his wonderfully tank-assed girlfriend Kim Kardashian.  Thanks to Reggie’s out of nowhere multiple TD game, she’s bound to get the Jessica Simpson treatment Sunday and be televised clapping at every broadcast opportunity.

Also expect to see other members of her family mugging for the camera, desperately trying to claw their way into the gossip rags and the E! channel.  I find it hilarious that when Reggie Bush and Lamar Odom (now married to Kim Kardashian’s gargantuan sister) sit down for family dinner, they aren’t the two best athletes present.  See that old lady at the head of the table?  That’s former Gold Medal Decathlete Bruce Jenner!

Speaking of self-absorbed douches, Brett Favre has the opportunity to make all of us haters eat our words.  The Ol’ Gunslinger has had a career year after having been completely written off as washed up and over the hill.

However, he faces a daunting task in going toe to toe with Drew Brees.  Percy Harvin is questionable this week with his ongoing migraine problems and his versatility will be sorely missed if he can’t go.  Adrian Peterson will have to play big to prevent Favre from feeling like he has to take the game onto his shoulders and force plays into tight coverage.

This playoff weekend should absolve the past two weeks of bad games.  Utilize the skills taught throughout all chapters of this guide.  Drink, eat, drink, and enjoy the games.  You are ready.