Farrakhan Blows It Out His Ass Again…

Let’s see… On the death of Michael Jackson, we’ve heard from… Al Sharpton (check!). Jesse Jacskson (check!). Who are we missing? Oh yeah… Louis Farrakhan. Ah, shit! Here we go:

Citing it as part of a conspiracy to undermine Jackson, Farrakhan said the lawyer told him Jackson had agreed to do 10 concerts but had been booked for 50, and there was concern Jackson would get sued if he couldn’t uphold the agreement.

Farrakhan, 76, also cited the molestation accusation of which Jackson was acquitted as another example of efforts to undermine his success.

During the wide-ranging, 2½-hour speech, Farrakhan said he does not believe Jackson was killed intentionally. Instead, he believes Jackson’s death was the result of a mistake by Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, who is a target of a manslaughter investigation.

Jackson was much more than an entertainer or a “song and dance man” because he and his songs spoke to all races, ethnicities, cultures, generations and across all other barriers, he said.

Farrakhan said he enjoyed spending time with Jackson, and counseled Jackson not to be angry with his father.

TXEN Partners: If They Can’t Scam You, They’ll Have You Thrown In Jail

The field of extended automotive warranties is full of douchebags out to scam you out of your hard-earned money, but TXEN Partners takes its douchebaggery to a level above and beyond its scum-sucking peers.

One would suspect that something was up when then Missouri Attorney General (now Governor) Jay Nixon filed lawsuits against Service Protection Direct, owned by TXEN Partners, and several other extended warranty companies in March of 2008.

A settlement was reached between the AG’s office and Service Protection Direct, but questions still remain. TXEN Partners changed the name of Service Protection Direct to Protection Direct, a company the St. Louis BBB had received 80 complaints about by May of this year.

The complaints allege high-pressure and rude sales tactics, misleading and inaccurate mailers, difficulty canceling contracts and an inability to obtain payments on repairs that consumers said they believed should have been covered.

A call to Geof Reusch [pictured], the company’s chief operating officer, was not immediately returned.

The agreement, reached Oct. 29, 2008, followed a state investigation into eight sellers of extended auto service contracts, including Service Protection Direct.

Missouri sued six of those companies, including Service Protection Direct, over their sales practices in March 2008 over “misleading notification letters to pressure, confuse and intimidate consumers” into purchasing service contracts “they did not need,” according to the BBB.

As part of the agreement, Service Protection Direct, 300 N. Tucker Blvd. in downtown St. Louis, promised help consumers better understand what it was selling.

But consumers still feel they are being misled, said Michelle Corey, president and CEO of the St. Louis BBB.

“While the intent of the (agreement) may have been noble, it simply does not go far enough in protecting customers and potential customers,” she said.

Enter Charles W. Papenfus,  43, a self-employed Ohio mechanic.

Tracie Papenfus said her husband called a St. Louis telemarketing firm — she didn’t know the name — after getting a mailer stating that the factory warranty had expired for the 1996 Ford Taurus driven by his 23-year-old son. The car, bought as-is for $3,000, hasn’t had a factory warranty for years.
“He wanted to know, ‘Why are you sending this when we’ve never had a warranty?’” Tracie Papenfus said.
In fact, Charles Papenfus asked that same question several times. He called the firm after receiving the mailer, then he called the company back to complain some more, said Douglas Forsyth, a local attorney representing Papenfus. The call during which Papenfus allegedly made a terrorist threat was initiated by the firm, in a response to a voice-mail message left by Papenfus, Forsyth said.
“They insulted each other,” Forsyth said, adding that Papenfus called the company “a scam” and the telemarketer called Papenfus “a jackass or (an expletive) or both.”
Forsyth said that, several minutes into the call, Papenfus said something about burning down the firm’s building.
Tracie Papenfus said the outburst was unusual for her husband, who she described as “a cool-headed guy.” However, she said, he hadn’t quite been himself after taking prescription painkiller medication for a compound wrist fracture he received in a motorcycle accident a few days before the call occurred. Irritability can be one side effect from those drugs, Forsyth said.

Of course, when the police in Fostoria, Ohio got word that the man who worked on their cruisers had had a verbal altercation with St. Louis’s more notorious scam artists, they immediately set forth on a quest for justice.

Papenfus’ wife, Tracie, said she hasn’t seen her husband since his arrest on June 27, when he was lured to a Fostoria, Ohio, police station with a false story about being suspected in a tavern fight there. Charles Papenfus, a self-employed mechanic who sometimes works on the department’s police cruisers, dropped by the station to clear his name, she said.

Tracie Papenfus said she still can’t understand why her husband is held 450 miles from home at the St. Louis workhouse on a $45,000 bond she can’t afford to pay. (That amount could be lowered at bond-reduction hearing scheduled for Monday.)

That’s right.  Not only are the scammers at TXEN Partners rude liars, they’ll also get you thrown in jail in St. Louis.  If you’d like to let these guys know what douchebags they are, feel free to give them a call at 1-877-987-PDGO. Just don’t tell them that you’re going to burn the place down…

Adolf Hitler: One-Balled Douchebag

After years of speculation, more evidence has come forward that Adolf Hitler only had one testicle.

AN extraordinary account from a German army medic has finally confirmed what the world long suspected: Hitler only had one ball.

War veteran Johan Jambor made the revelation to a priest in the 1960s, who wrote it down.

Johan Jambor was a medic in World War 1 who treated Hitler at the Battle of the Somme.

“For several hours, Johan and his friends picked up injured soldiers. He remembers Hitler.

“They called him the ‘Screamer’. He was very noisy. Hitler was screaming ‘help, help’.

“His abdomen and legs were all in blood. Hitler was injured in the abdomen and lost one testicle. His first question to the doctor was: ‘Will I be able to have children?’.”

Three More Jihadis Sent To Paradise

Indonesia sent the three Islamic militants responsible for the 2002 Bali bombings, Imam Samudra, 38, Amrozi Nurhasyim, 47, and Ali Ghufron (Mukhlas), 48, to a firing squad at midnight local time Saturday.

Douchebag Report is just a little confused as to why the BBC put quotes in its headline.

Indonesia ‘executes’ Bali bombers

Douchebag Presidential Candidate Vows Arbitrary Economic Destruction

What happens in San Francisco, stays in San Francisco…or so Barack Obama may have believed.  First, it was a closed fundraiser where Obama made his famous quote about bitter people clinging to their guns and religion. Now another unguarded comment from San Francisco unveils Obama’s plan to bankrupt the coal industry.

Given the support for “Clean Coal” Obama promised Kentucky coal mine workers in May, you might be confused by all this.  We know we at Douchebag Report are.

No One Left To Lie To

What was once just the title of a Christopher Hitchens book about the Clinton family, is now a fitting description for Joe Biden’s media campaign.  Douchebag Report has already reported that Joe Biden has banished one Florida TV stations from further interviews with the Obama-Biden campaign for asking…questions a real journalist might ask of a Presidential campaign.

Now it has arisen that Joe Biden is now banishing any other TV station who might ask him anything but the most softball of questions.  The latest is apparently CBS 3 out of Philadelphia.  See what these douchebags do when journalists stop being cheerleaders and start doing their jobs?

NY Times Rejects McCain Editorial

Hooray for liberal media bias! David Shipley, New York Times Op-Ed Editor and former Clinton speechwriter, has rejected an editorial piece drafted by Republican presidential candidate John McCain. The piece was to counter an article penned by Barack Obama, titled “My Plan for Iraq,” which the paper had published last week.

Here is the McCain editorial as it was submitted to the NY Times:

In January 2007, when General David Petraeus took command in Iraq, he called the situation “hard” but not “hopeless.” Today, 18 months later, violence has fallen by up to 80% to the lowest levels in four years, and Sunni and Shiite terrorists are reeling from a string of defeats. The situation now is full of hope, but considerable hard work remains to consolidate our fragile gains.

Progress has been due primarily to an increase in the number of troops and a change in their strategy. I was an early advocate of the surge at a time when it had few supporters in Washington. Senator Barack Obama was an equally vocal opponent. “I am not persuaded that 20,000 additional troops in Iraq is going to solve the sectarian violence there,” he said on January 10, 2007. “In fact, I think it will do the reverse.”

Now Senator Obama has been forced to acknowledge that “our troops have performed brilliantly in lowering the level of violence.” But he still denies that any political progress has resulted.

Perhaps he is unaware that the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad has recently certified that, as one news article put it, “Iraq has met all but three of 18 original benchmarks set by Congress last year to measure security, political and economic progress.” Even more heartening has been progress that’s not measured by the benchmarks. More than 90,000 Iraqis, many of them Sunnis who once fought against the government, have signed up as Sons of Iraq to fight against the terrorists. Nor do they measure Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki’s new-found willingness to crack down on Shiite extremists in Basra and Sadr City—actions that have done much to dispel suspicions of sectarianism.

The success of the surge has not changed Senator Obama’s determination to pull out all of our combat troops. All that has changed is his rationale. In a New York Times op-ed and a speech this week, he offered his “plan for Iraq” in advance of his first “fact finding” trip to that country in more than three years. It consisted of the same old proposal to pull all of our troops out within 16 months. In 2007 he wanted to withdraw because he thought the war was lost. If we had taken his advice, it would have been. Now he wants to withdraw because he thinks Iraqis no longer need our assistance.

To make this point, he mangles the evidence. He makes it sound as if Prime Minister Maliki has endorsed the Obama timetable, when all he has said is that he would like a plan for the eventual withdrawal of U.S. troops at some unspecified point in the future.

Senator Obama is also misleading on the Iraqi military’s readiness. The Iraqi Army will be equipped and trained by the middle of next year, but this does not, as Senator Obama suggests, mean that they will then be ready to secure their country without a good deal of help. The Iraqi Air Force, for one, still lags behind, and no modern army can operate without air cover. The Iraqis are also still learning how to conduct planning, logistics, command and control, communications, and other complicated functions needed to support frontline troops.

No one favors a permanent U.S. presence, as Senator Obama charges. A partial withdrawal has already occurred with the departure of five “surge” brigades, and more withdrawals can take place as the security situation improves. As we draw down in Iraq, we can beef up our presence on other battlefields, such as Afghanistan, without fear of leaving a failed state behind. I have said that I expect to welcome home most of our troops from Iraq by the end of my first term in office, in 2013.

But I have also said that any draw-downs must be based on a realistic assessment of conditions on the ground, not on an artificial timetable crafted for domestic political reasons. This is the crux of my disagreement with Senator Obama.

Senator Obama has said that he would consult our commanders on the ground and Iraqi leaders, but he did no such thing before releasing his “plan for Iraq.” Perhaps that’s because he doesn’t want to hear what they have to say. During the course of eight visits to Iraq, I have heard many times from our troops what Major General Jeffrey Hammond, commander of coalition forces in Baghdad, recently said: that leaving based on a timetable would be “very dangerous.”

The danger is that extremists supported by Al Qaeda and Iran could stage a comeback, as they have in the past when we’ve had too few troops in Iraq. Senator Obama seems to have learned nothing from recent history. I find it ironic that he is emulating the worst mistake of the Bush administration by waving the “Mission Accomplished” banner prematurely.

I am also dismayed that he never talks about winning the war—only of ending it. But if we don’t win the war, our enemies will. A triumph for the terrorists would be a disaster for us. That is something I will not allow to happen as president. Instead I will continue implementing a proven counterinsurgency strategy not only in Iraq but also in Afghanistan with the goal of creating stable, secure, self-sustaining democratic allies.