Douchebag Gets Shot For Talking During Movie

Most people know that one shouldn’t talk in a movie theater.  Others have to be educated.  It’s just a matter of finding a willing teacher.

A South Philadelphia man enraged because a father and son were talking during a Christmas showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button took care of the situation when he pulled a .380-caliber gun and shot the father, police said.

James Joseph Cialella Jr., 29, of the 1900 block of Hollywood Street is charged with attempted murder, aggravated assault, and weapons violations.

We’re guessing that the talkative duo have learned their lesson.

New York Taxing Everything In Sight

In a desperate attempt to grab money from everything possible in order to close a $15.4 billion budget gap, Governor Paterson has introduced 88 new fees and taxes.

Trying to close a $15.4 billion budget gap, Paterson called for 88 new fees and a host of other taxes, including an “iPod tax” that taxes the sale of downloaded music and other “digitally delivered entertainment services.”

“We’re going to have to take some extreme measures,” Paterson said Tuesday after unveiling the slash-and-burn budget.

The proposal, which needs legislative approval, did not include broad-based income tax increases, but relied on smaller ones to raise $4.1 billion from cash-strapped New Yorkers.

Movie tickets, taxi rides, soda, beer, wine, cigars and massages would be taxed under Paterson’s proposal. It also extends sales taxes to cable and satellite TV services and removes the tax exemption for clothes costing less than $110.

“The governor is nickel-and-diming working class families,” said Ron Deutsch, executive director of New Yorkers for Fiscal Fairness, an advocacy group.

So if you live in New York…it sucks to be you.

Not That You Care About Arena Football…

The Arena Football League has canceled its 2009 season.

The Arena Football League has canceled its 2009 season, but will resume play the following year, the Cleveland Plain Dealer and The New York Times reported on Monday.

League officials could not be reached to comment, but have previously denied the indoor football league would cancel the 2009 season. The AFL, founded in 1987, has 16 teams after New Orleans folded in October.

However, the owner of the Cleveland Gladiators told the Times that AFL executives and team owners moved to suspend the 2009 season, pending approval by the players’ union, so the league could fix its economic model.

So if you were wondering why you weren’t surfing over arena football games in 2009, now you know.

McCain Demonstrates Why He Lost Election

On ABC’s “This Week”, John McCain one again demonstrated the lack of resolve and tenacity that lead him to lose the 2008 Presidential election when he sided with Barak Obama against the Republican National Committee.

On ABC’s “This Week,” host George Stephanopoulos asked: “The chairman of the Republican National Committee, Mike Duncan, has been highly critical of the way President- elect Obama has dealt with this.

“He’s had a statement every single day, saying that the Obama team should reveal all contacts they’ve had with Governor [Rod] Blagojevich. He says that Obama’s promise of transparency to the American people is now being tested. Do you agree with that?”

McCain replied: “I think that the Obama campaign should and will give all information necessary. You know, in all due respect to the Republican National Committee and anybody — right now, I think we should try to be working constructively together, not only on an issue such as this, but on the economy stimulus package, reforms that are necessary. And so, I don’t know all the details of the relationship between President-elect Obama’s campaign or his people and the governor of Illinois, but I have some confidence that all the information will come out. It always does, it seems to me.”

Isn’t that sweet.

Aaron Jay Lemon: Craigslist Baby Sitter Douchebag

Of all the places to look for a babysitter, we’re not sure if Craigslist is the best idea, especially after this story.

A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to answering an online advertisement for baby-sitting work and then using the client’s child to make a pornographic video.

Aaron Jay Lemon of Little Canada admitted Wednesday to producing the video in a plea deal with federal prosecutors.

The 23-year-old also admitted to coercing a minor to engage in sexually explicit conduct.

The plea agreement says Lemon filmed the child in St. Paul after seeking the baby-sitting job through Craigslist.

St. Paul police spokesman Peter Panos tells the St. Paul Pioneer Press that the victim was a 2-year-old girl.

Well someone has to meet the demand for all those Senate staffers…

Maybe, if we all pray hard enough, Aaron Jay Lemon will be brutally murdered in prison.

BBC Apologizes After TV Star Exposes Himself On Radio Program

The BBC has apologized for a radio show in which TV start John Barrowman decided to whip out his “fruit and nuts”.

During yesterday’s show, presented by Nick Grimshaw and Annie Mac, Grimshaw asked Barrowman, who has starred in Doctor Who and its spin-off Torchwood: “You’re famous, we’re told for getting your willy out in interviews.

“Is this going to happen today?”

Barrowman responded by saying he was going to “get it out”, amid shouting and laughter.

He was later heard to say: “I didn’t take the whole thing out, but I got my fruit and nuts out.”

Annie Mac apologised on air at the end of the programme for any offence that may have been caused.

The BBC emphasised that nothing untoward was screened online.

In other words, the BBC is apologizing for the sound of a man exposing himself.

Thanksgiving Day Parade Gets Rick-Rolled

 

Oh joy:

 

The “Bro” / Mansiere?

 

I’ll admit that this isn’t standard Douchebag Report fare, but this little gem needed some attention. Apparently, the male brassiere has transcended from a famous Seinfeld plot to an actual undergarment that is sweeping Japan. According to this Reuters video (below), the “Boy Bra,” which retails for about $30 is selling like mad… I guess it only makes you a douchebag if you wear one:

 

Adam Guerbuez: Spamming Douchebag

Facebook won $873 million in damages from spammer Adam Guerbuez on Friday, in the largest award under the 2003 Can-Spam Act.

The award was handed down after four months of litigation.  The judgement also bans Guerbuez and his company, Atlantis Blue Capital, from accessing Facebook.

“We’ve all experienced spam — those unwanted and, sometimes, inappropriate marketing messages,” said Facebook director of security Max Kelly and deputy general counsel Mark Howitson in an e-mailed statement. “The bad guys behind those messages are always looking to find new ways to annoy people and Facebook’s users have been among those targeted. We don’t take this affront to our users lying down.”

Guerbuez didn’t show up to court, but Sam O’Rourke, senior corporate counsel for Facebook said, “We are going to go after him. We know where he is and we’re in the process of executing the judgment.”

Between March and April, Guerbuez sent more than 4 million spam messages to Facebook users, the complaint states. He allegedly did so by stealing Facebook users’ logon details using phishing messages and through data obtained from third parties. He then allegedly used botnets to spam Facebook users’ message posting pages, or Walls, with messages from the hijacked accounts of spam recipients’ Facebook friends.

Unlike e-mail spam, which is generally viewed and/or deleted in private, social networking spam may have social repercussions. The Wall-post spam was visible to anyone viewing an affected Facebook profile, and appeared to be endorsed by the account owner and the friend who posted it.

What was Guerbuez spamming for?

“The products marketed by these spam messages included marijuana, male enhancement pills, and sexually oriented material.”

Spamming for male enhancement pills?  That’s a switch.

More Evidence That Cheerleaders Are Whores

Ashley Dupre, age 11.  Cheerleader and future Elliot Spitzer call girl.

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