Brent Gobbell: Whites Have No Power Over E-Mail

Tennessee Highway Patrol Trooper Brent Gobbell, 51, might not like black people, but today he probably dislikes Microsoft Outlook even more.

A Tennessee state trooper who accidentally sent an e-mail proclaiming white pride to 787 state employees has been suspended for 15 days without pay and will have to attend diversity training.

The e-mail from Trooper Brent Gobbell states, in part, “You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member … you call him a racist.” It also includes a list of racist epithets.

The state Department of Safety says Gobbell sent the e-mail to himself so he could print a copy. He did not realize he had also sent it to hundreds of state employees.

This incident must be a true embarrassment to those Tennessee Highway Patrol hicks who can consistently print their racist emails without accidentally forwarding them to the rest of the state government.

Douchebag Arrested for DWI Three Times in Three Weeks

Some people never learn, and Reno, Nevada resident John Parker is one of them:

Reno Police Sgt. Tom Robinson says John Parker was stopped Monday afternoon on a U.S. Highway 395 off-ramp on the south end of town after a concerned citizen alerted police about his erratic driving.

He says a check of Parker’s police record found he had been arrested on the same charge two other times since Oct. 2.

Robinson says officers contacted the city attorney, who contacted a Reno municipal court judge so Parker’s bail would be raised to $25,000. The judge also ordered that it be paid in cash rather than the usual practice of posting a bond for 10 percent of the total pending a court hearing.

A 50-year-old Reno man has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving for the third time in less than three weeks.

Posterity

Here’s an adaptation of a Lord Byron quote, which is quite fitting for the late Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Douchebag):

“Posterity will never survey a nobler grave than this:

Here lie the bones of Kennedy: Stop, traveler, and piss.”

Free Coffee Goes Up In Smoke

In yet another example of why it’s usually a bad idea to have the government make lifestyle choices for the people, New York City is hassling a tobacco store owner for having a $9,000 coffee machine in his cigar shop, Barclay Rex.

Vince Nastri III, third-generation proprietor of the palace of puff, said his problems started in June when Health Department inspectors came to check up on complaints that cigar odors were wafting to the upper floors of the building at 75 Broad Street, according to the paper.

That complaint was unfounded, but an inspector noticed the coffee machine, which customers used to make free espressos and cappuccinos, and said it was illegal.

Nastri was issued a citation, which can lead to fines between $200 and $2000, and now finds himself between a rock and a hard place. Even to give coffee away for free he needs a permit to operate as a food-service establishment, but then smoking would be banned in his shop.

Who benefits from this?

Ryan Jenkins Lived By Strangulation, Died By Strangulation

In an update to a recent story, douchebag reality TV star and Canadian Ryan Jenkins has added a “-suicide” to the murder of his wife Jasmine Fiore. TMZ.com reports that his body was discovered by hotel staff in British Columbia and it appears that that he hung himself.

We at the Douchebag Report can only find tragic irony that the method he chose to kill himself was the same that he used to murder his wife: asphyxiation.

It is unclear what Jenkins hung himself with, but the word at DouchebagReport.com is that cable is the way to go.

Jimmy Carter: Best of Living Ex-Presidents

The liberals are trying to make a big deal out of this: Rasmussen reported that Jummy Carter is the best of living Ex-Presidents. For starters, Rasmussen, what the hell kind of survey is this anyway? I mean, really, what’s the point? According to Rasmussen:

For nearly one-out-of-three voters (32%), Jimmy Carter is the living ex-president who has done the best job since leaving the White House according to a Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey.

Carter, who served in the White House from 1977 to 1981, ranks first amont the surviving presidents.

Well, no shit. The best thing Jimmy Carter did since leaving the White House was to actually leave the White House, so I’m inclined to agree with these results.

We Were Warned

Ronald Reagan Speaks Out Against Socialized Medicine

Here is an audio track featuring (then private citizen) Ronald Reagan speaking out against socialized medicine. This track dates back to 1961 and is part of the “Operation Coffee Cup Campaign against Socialized Medicine,” formed to combat Democrats asking for socialized health care. We have to consider ourselves warned:

Judge Robert Nalley Deflates The Tires Of His Career

Apparently unaware of the invention of the tow truck, Maryland Judge Robert Nally attempt at parking enforcement has forced him to resign as chief administrator of the Circuit Court after he deflated the tire of an illegally parked car.

In a letter submitted Thursday to Maryland Court of Appeals Chief Judge Robert Bell, Nalley made no reference to this week’s controversy over the tire deflation.

Nalley told 9NEWS NOW that he let out the air because leaving notes for illegal parkers is not effective.

La Plata Police Chief Cassin Gittings says an investigation into the tire deflation was continuing.

The owner of the car says a sheriff’s deputy told her Monday that Nalley was deflating her tire and she moved her car.

Judge Nally reminds us of another douchebag judge.

UPDATE:

William D. Missouri, chief administrative judge of Maryland’s 7th Circuit, has suspended Judge Robert Nalley from sitting on criminal cases until the matter is resolved.

Cocaine Contributed To Billy Mays’ Life, Death

Every wonder how Billy Mays could be so loud, intense and fast-talking for so long?  TMZ.com may have found the answer in the famous pitchman’s autopsy report.

The report, which was released today, lists “cocaine use” as a contributing cause of death — along with hypertensive and arteriosclerotic heart disease.

A Hillsborough County press release says “from the presence of metabolites of cocaine and the absence of cocaine itself, it was concluded that Mr. Mays used cocaine in the few days prior to his death but not immediately prior to death.”

…UPDATE: Official documents show the following drugs were in Mays’ system — hydrocodone (Vicodin), oxycodone (painkiller), alprazolam (Xanax), nordiazepam (Valium), benzoylecgonine (byproduct of cocaine) and temazepam (anti-anxiety). Ethanol — alcohol — was also in Mays’ system.

So kids, remember that if you see someone with an unnatural amount of energy who won’t show up, look to see if they’re grinding their teeth.

Lenin’s Legacy Lethal

While the Cold War may have ended twenty years ago, Vladimir Lenin’s legacy is still killing people, most recently in the southeastern Belarusian town of Uvarichi.

Belarusian officials says that a massive statue of Soviet founder Vladimir Lenin collapsed on a man who was hanging from it, killing him on the spot.

The Emergency Situations ministry said Monday that the 21-year-old man was drunk when he climbed onto the five-meter (16-feet)-high plaster monument early Monday and hung from its arm. It then broke into pieces and he was crushed.

The just reinforces the evils of Communism and their shoddy construction practices.

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