Judge Robert Nalley Deflates The Tires Of His Career

Apparently unaware of the invention of the tow truck, Maryland Judge Robert Nally attempt at parking enforcement has forced him to resign as chief administrator of the Circuit Court after he deflated the tire of an illegally parked car.

In a letter submitted Thursday to Maryland Court of Appeals Chief Judge Robert Bell, Nalley made no reference to this week’s controversy over the tire deflation.

Nalley told 9NEWS NOW that he let out the air because leaving notes for illegal parkers is not effective.

La Plata Police Chief Cassin Gittings says an investigation into the tire deflation was continuing.

The owner of the car says a sheriff’s deputy told her Monday that Nalley was deflating her tire and she moved her car.

Judge Nally reminds us of another douchebag judge.

UPDATE:

William D. Missouri, chief administrative judge of Maryland’s 7th Circuit, has suspended Judge Robert Nalley from sitting on criminal cases until the matter is resolved.

Cocaine Contributed To Billy Mays’ Life, Death

Every wonder how Billy Mays could be so loud, intense and fast-talking for so long?  TMZ.com may have found the answer in the famous pitchman’s autopsy report.

The report, which was released today, lists “cocaine use” as a contributing cause of death — along with hypertensive and arteriosclerotic heart disease.

A Hillsborough County press release says “from the presence of metabolites of cocaine and the absence of cocaine itself, it was concluded that Mr. Mays used cocaine in the few days prior to his death but not immediately prior to death.”

…UPDATE: Official documents show the following drugs were in Mays’ system — hydrocodone (Vicodin), oxycodone (painkiller), alprazolam (Xanax), nordiazepam (Valium), benzoylecgonine (byproduct of cocaine) and temazepam (anti-anxiety). Ethanol — alcohol — was also in Mays’ system.

So kids, remember that if you see someone with an unnatural amount of energy who won’t show up, look to see if they’re grinding their teeth.

Lenin’s Legacy Lethal

While the Cold War may have ended twenty years ago, Vladimir Lenin’s legacy is still killing people, most recently in the southeastern Belarusian town of Uvarichi.

Belarusian officials says that a massive statue of Soviet founder Vladimir Lenin collapsed on a man who was hanging from it, killing him on the spot.

The Emergency Situations ministry said Monday that the 21-year-old man was drunk when he climbed onto the five-meter (16-feet)-high plaster monument early Monday and hung from its arm. It then broke into pieces and he was crushed.

The just reinforces the evils of Communism and their shoddy construction practices.

Twit’s Testicles Torched

A Greek woman poured liquor on a British man’s genitals and then set them on fire after he made advances towards her at a Greek club.

Police said that the incident took place at a club in the Greek resort town of Malia. The British man, who police have also not yet identified, allegedly took off his pants there and waved his genitals at a number of girls. He is then said to have “forcefully fondled” the Greek woman and asked her to hold his genitals.

The woman asked the man to stop harassing her, police said, and when he didn’t, she poured Sabucco, a liquor that resembles Greek ouzo, on his private area.

When the man continued his advances, police said that’s when the woman set fire to his genitals using a lighter.

It’s possible there was a misunderstanding between the two.  He asked her to hold his genitals and she may have heard “scold my genitals”…

The man is being treated for second degree burns to his penis and testicles.

Why Fake Mediocrity?

If you’re going to fake a career, why not make sure that you fake being the best?  That seems to be the ethic of Betty Lichtenstein, who was charged with pretending to be a nurse after being arrested by the Connecticut State’s Attorney’s Medicaid Fraud Control Unit.

Not just any nurse: the Connecticut Nursing Association’s “Nurse Of The Year”.  After all, she was awarded the title at a banquet held in her honor.

Unfortunately for Lichtenstein, it was discovered that the Connecticut Nursing Association does not in fact exist and that she’d spent $2000 to stage the banquet herself.

Free Douchebag Report Advice: Do a little background check on a guy wearing a “World’s #1 Proctologist” t-shirt.  The ass you save may be your own.

“Smart-Tossing”: Dutch Douchebags’ Newest Hobby

Apparently bored in an “anything goes” city, vandals in Amsterdam have taken to tossing tiny Smart cars into the city’s numerous canals.  The light weight that helps the cars get high mileage also makes them easy to toss.

According to locally-published newspaper De Telegraaf police has not wanted to publicize this form of vandalism for fear of copy-cat incidents. However, police officers are paying extra attention to Amsterdam’s canals, especially during the weekends.

The Smart cars are small enough to be parked with head or tail pointing to the water.

Let’s see them do the same thing with a gas-guzzling SUV…

Rudy’s Helpful Advice To Obama

Rudy Giuliani has spoken out on President Obama’s comments regarding the Prof. Gates arrest.

He also offered, in response to the president’s hope that the Gates arrest would be a “teachable moment,” this:

“He’s actually right. It is teachable. Here’s the lesson: Shut up.”

News To Use: Hide Drugs Before Calling Police

Alejandra Olevera-Madrid of Concord, CA, had a bad night Monday, but a stupid error of judgement made it far worse.

A woman who called police to report that she was robbed at gunpoint was arrested after responding officers spotted what appeared to be methamphetamine in her home, police said today.

The woman called police about 10:45 p.m. Monday to report a robbery at her home in the first block of Lodge Drive, said Lt. Brian Wiesendanger. She told officers that a man armed with a handgun entered her home, held her at gunpoint and took her cell phone. She said the robber drove away in a four-door dark-colored compact sedan.

But as officers took the robbery report, they noticed what looked like a controlled substance — later suspected to be methamphetamine — in plain view.

So after bearing the the brunt of society’s criminal element, Alejandra found herself bearing the brunt of society’s police element.

Alejandra Olevera-Madrid, 44, was arrested on suspicion of possession and booked into County Jail in Martinez, where she is being held on $120,000 bail.

Alejandra Olevera-Madrid, we at Douchebag Report can honestly speak for most of America when we say: Sucks to be you.

Waters: Rahm’s Chickens Coming Home

The Hill reports that Representative Maxine Waters, a liberal California Democrat, places the blame for Barack Obama’s difficulty passing health care on Rahm Emanuel.

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) blamed now-White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s work as head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC), during which he worked to recruit many centrist candidates, resulting in landslide Democratic victories, for difficulties facing House leaders trying to pass reform legislation.

“That may be difficult for Rahm Emanuel, because remember, he recruited most of them,” Waters said during an interview on MSNBC when asked if the White House could lean on centrist, Blue Dog Democrats to pass reform legislation.

“Now the chickens have come home to roost,” she added.

Of course, Waters doesn’t explain how recruiting more liberal candidates to run in conservative districts would land the Democrats a House majority in the first place.  If she thinks Blue Dog Democrats are an impediment to Obama’s liberal agenda, then would she prefer Republicans?  And why do crazy liberals keep talking about chickens roosting?

Change Is Bad (For Whitehouse.gov)

So much for a complete overhaul and a “slick, new” design for whitehouse.gov:

The traffic at President Obama’s official White House Web site–whitehouse.gov–has fallen from a post-Inauguration peak to nearly the same level it was during the waning days of the Bush administration.

The dramatic drop in traffic has happened despite the Obama Administration’s complete redesign of the site.

According to the web-traffic tracking site Alexa.com, whitehouse.gov was almost the 500th most popular Web site in the world in February. Since then, it has fallen to the 3,732 ranked Web site in the world.  Traffic to the site has fallen 51.6 percent in the last three months.

Doesn’t this seem consistent with America nowadays? Mess something up to unrecognizable oblivion and it’s not so popular… hmmm…

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