New Michael Moore “Documentary” Attacks The Economy

Über-douchebag Michael Moore is making a new movie about the state of the global economy and America’s slipping role at the top of it.

The untitled movie will contain an end-of-the-empire tone, say those familiar with the project, and Moore no doubt hopes that this will give it a more general feel that will untether it from a specific political moment.

Moore fights an uphill battle, as the economy is changing too fast for a documentary to be relevant when it is released.

In the meantime, a focus on the collapsing markets brings its own risk, Minassian said. “The problem with the financial crisis is that it’s changing so quickly. I’m not sure how relevant is going to be in six months, and I’m not sure if people want to hear it; my sense is they already have a pretty good idea of a lot of the people who are to blame for it.”

The last election also presents a stumbling block, as it’s hard for Moore to attack the country and way it is run when all of his fans just put “Mr. Change” Barack Obama into office.

But some political and entertainment experts wonder how much Moore’s incredulousness and occasional pessimism about the state of U.S. policy, which served the filmmaker well during the George W. Bush years, will play in the current hopeful climate brought on President-elect Barack Obama.

Of course, if Michael Moore is attacking the economy, then we can take comfort in the fact that its foundation is sound and it’s all going to be fine soon.

Tim Robbins Doesn’t Know How To Vote

Actor, ultra-liberal activist and all-around douchebag Tim Robbins had a hard time voting on Election Day, as he went to the wrong polling location.

According to a letter from the board to the actor, Robbins should have voted at Andrew Heskell Library, located at 40 West 20th Street. Instead, Robbins and his partner, Susan Sarandon, went to the McBurney YMCA, located at 125 West 14th Street.

The letter explained, in the clearest terms possible, that Robbins was being a douchebag.

”[It] would appear, based upon a review of your voter registration history, that your voting experience was less than positive because you simply went to the wrong poll site,” a letter from Gregory Soumas of the Board of Elections wrote in the letter.

Robbins, however, disagrees that he could have possibly been in error.

“I voted at my regular polling place on 14th Street in November of 2004 and 2006 and have witnesses to that,” Robbins told Access. “I have a copy of my voter registration which clearly shows my home address. A poll worker checked and my name was there on the rolls for the primaries this year. Something doesn’t jive with the actions of the Board of Elections. For no good reason, they chose to take this active voter off the voting rolls.”

That’s right, the Board of Elections was conspiring to stop Tim Robbins from voting.  Fortunately for America, Robbins was able to bring his wealth and power to bear.

“I had to get a court order from a state Supreme Court judge on Election Day to be able to cast my ballot,” he told Access.

In true Hollywood style, it’s likely that this story will have a sequel.

“This is further outrage that the Board of Elections has today sent my voter records with my address and personal information to hundreds of news sources when they could have cleared this up,” he said. “It’s an invasion of privacy and further insult. I will be seeking legal advice and may take legal action.”

Obama Scores Hollywood Has-Been Vote

 

The October non-surprise is that self-important, attention-starved Hollywood has-beens are turning out in record numbers in support of Obama. In a seemingly desperate attempt to resurrect their ailing careers, douchebags Ron Howard, Andy Griffith, and Henry Winkler are featured in a video posted on the ironically named FunnyOrDie.com website. Considering the name of the website, and the content of the video, I think we have three key additions to the Celebrity Death Pool. Alas, I’ll let you be the judge:

 

 

In a video posted Thursday on Funnyordie.com, the actor-turned-director reprises his role on “The Andy Griffith Show” as a way to rally support for Barack Obama.

While speaking into the camera, Howard has his beard shaved, dons a youthful red wig and puts on the kind of outfit he would have only worn as Opie Taylor in the `60s.

“I’ve never done this before and I hope never to do it again, but I guess you could say I’m feeling pretty desperate these days,” explains Howard. “So as a demonstration of my sincerity, this is for you America.”

Then, in black-and-white, Howard sits down in the woods to talk to “Pa”: Andy Griffith. Griffith advises Howard-as-Opie that he’ll be able to vote someday, so long as he eludes the butterfly ballot.

That’s not the only old TV show revisited by Howard, who years ago traded child stardom for directing movies like “A Beautiful Mind” and this fall’s “Frost/Nixon.”

Another wardrobe change prepares him to step back into “Happy Days,” the beloved show that ran from 1974-1984 in which Howard played Richie Cunningham.

Standing in front of a vintage car and clad in a leather jacket is Henry Winkler, once again with the unmistakable coif _ and greaser demeanor _ of the Fonze. Winkler, still having some trouble with his pronunciation, tells Howard this election is everyone’s chance to right a wr-wr-wrong.

Stepping back out of character, Howard says he, Griffith and Winkler returned to their television roots to urge support for Obama and “really think through this important election.”

Ack! What the hell is that crap? Regardless of content, Ron Howard looks like a child molester.

Pam Anderson to Palin: Suck It!

Hollywood harlot Pamela Anderson, perhaps best known for her “work” in the infamous Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee sex video, has opened her mouth once again… only this time, it wasn’t for sex. Rather, she decided to spit out a few choice words against VP hopeful Sarah Palin:

Anderson, 41, was recently in Toronto speaking out against the abuse of animals in Hollywood.

When asked by E! News Weekend Canada about Palin, she has some choice words for the Republican hopeful.

The reporter asked Pam if she saw a recent Newsweek article, which showed a gigantic bear hide in the office of Palin’s house.

“I can’t stand her,” Pam blurted out. “She can suck it!”

Here’s the video:

Holier Than Thou

It seems only appropriate that the wife of televangelist Joel Osteen would have a ‘holier than thou’ attitude. However, testimony delivered by a Continental Airlines flight attendant portrays Victoria Osteen as a mega-bitch (perhaps to Leona Helmsley proportions):

Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown alleges Victoria Osteen threw her against a bathroom door and elbowed her in the left breast during an angry outburst over some spilled liquid on her first-class seat. Brown claims Victoria Osteen became so upset she tried to get into the cockpit and had to be physically restrained.

Brown’s co-worker, Maria Johnson, confirmed that in her testimony Thursday.

“She took Sharon by the shoulders and pushed her out of the way. Sharon stumbled,” Johnson said.

Hey Joel, tell your wife that patience is a virtue.

Susan Sarandumb

Hollywood actress, activist Susan Sarandon just made the boldest, brashest, and most daring statement of her career, vowing to move to Italy or Canada if John McCain is elected President in the upcoming November 2008 election. Yawn. Shame on you Susan for thinking that anyone actually gives a crap. Who are you, anyway? This announcement was made within the confines of the United States, where you have comfortably lived throughout the entire Bush administration. I guess this makes you a bit of a hypocrite, doesn’t it.

Here’s an excerpt from this New York Times article:

[I]f John McCain gets elected, she will move to Italy or Canada. She adds, “It’s a critical time, but I have faith in the American people.”

OK, American people. You don’t want Susan to move out of the country, so it’s up to you to elect Barack Obama. What? You thought Susan of all people would be for Hillary Clinton? Well, no. She told John Hiscock: “I thought the whole point of feminism is that you’re not supposed to be defined by gender. I don’t understand the reasoning behind that, because I wouldn’t vote for Condoleezza Rice, and I hated Margaret Thatcher.”

How very patriotic of you to claim to have “faith in the American people,” but unpatriotically suggest that you’ll jump borders when your leftist agenda is not served in a popular election. May we suggest that you put Cuba on your short list as well? According to Michael Moore, they have unparalleled medical services. You’ll undoubtedly need affordable elder-care as you hobble towards the washed-up Hollywood hag phase of your life.

Arrividerci, bitch!

Sharon Stoned

Sharon Stone, actress best known for slutting-up the early 90′s flick Basic Instinct has made another “off the wall” comment that has gained global attention. In her most recent attempt to prove that Hollywood is truly out of touch with reality, she claimed that the horrific earthquake in China may have been caused by “karma,” referencing China’s treatment of Tibet.

Today, we’ve learned that the 50-year-old celibritramp has apologized, offering to help with relief efforts. She also offered up this apology:

“My erroneous words and deeds angered and saddened the Chinese people, and I sincerely apologise for this,” she said in a statement issued by Dior China and sent to AFP on Thursday.

Sincerely apologize? No doubt. This has to be in response to the global “stoning” that followed her remark. For starters, Christian Dior dropped her from all Chinese ads and marketing campaigns that contain her likeness. In addition, many stateside theaters are also beginning to boycott her films. Needless to say, many more people — several hundred thousand in fact are angered, saying they would “never forgive” Stone for her remarks. Now THAT’S karma!

Wachoo Talkin’ Bout Willis?

Famed child actor-turned-security guard Gary Coleman has resorted to some Diff’rent Strokes of his own recently. Coleman has admitted to “The Insider” that he has not had sex with his wife, despite their marriage in August:

And in an interview with “Inside Edition,” the couple said they fight so much that “yes,” bride Shannon Price has feared for her safety.

But by now, she said, “I’m used to it.”

The police were even called during one domestic dispute and cited Coleman.

Fortunately for the troubled Colemans, pastor Paul Wirth of the Relevant Church in Ybor City, Florida, has the solution to marital bliss:

A Florida church issued a challenge for its married members on Sunday: Have sex every day.

Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth said the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge.

The church set up a Web site concerning the challenge, Local 6 reported.”And that’s no different for people who attend church,” Wirth said. “Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way.”Oh, and the flip side of the challenge? No rolling in the sheets for the unwed.Church member Tim Jones and his fiancee agreed to take on the challenge, though he acknowledges it’ll be a tough month.But he added: “I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other.”

Source: FoxNews – Gary Coleman Says He and Wife Have Not Yet Made Love

Source: Local6.com – Church Challenges Members: Have Sex Every Day

Heath Ledger Jokes

It can be said that the media storm that resulted from the death of actor Heath Ledger was manufactured largely due to his role as a gay cowboy in that abbhoration of a film Brokeback Mountain. He sucked as an actor, Brokeback sucked as a movie, which is why it sucked in the box office. In that spirit, here are some tasteless Heath Ledger jokes. It’s never too soon…

Q:Why did Heath Ledger OD on pills, rather than jumping from Mary Kate’s apartment window?

A: Because America didn’t want to see another brokeback

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Q: What is 2 years old and starving?

A: Heath Ledger’s daughter.

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Q: What do Jake Gyllenhall‘s rectum and a handful of Valium have in common?

A: They both got popped by Heath Ledger.

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The sad thing is that Heath’s death just spoiled the ending of the upcoming Batman movie. We’ve now learned that Batman returns, the Joker does not.

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His latest role was in the the film, “I’m not there.” I guess that applies to all of his future film roles as well.

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He was supposed to have a massage in his apartment that day. From the looks of things, he didn’t get the happy ending.

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Q: What is the difference between Heath Ledger and a turnstile?

A: A turnstile only takes one at a time.

Got your own tasteless Heath Ledger joke? Post it as a comment!
 

Vanessa Redgrave Supports Terrorism

It’s a shame that crotchety old actress and human rights windbag Vanessa Redgrave isn’t dead, because she now uses her fortune to spring terrorists from prison. Here is an excerpt from this London Telegraph article:

A former Guantanamo Bay detainee wanted for extradition by Spain on terrorism charges is to be released after being granted bail by a London magistrates’ court.

Jamil el-Banna, 45, was one of three British residents arrested after landing back in the country last night following their release from the controversial US military prison on Cuba.

Appearing at City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court today, el-Banna was granted bail of £50,000 by Senior District Judge Timothy Workman, despite prosecution arguments that he was highly likely to abscond.

The actress and human rights activist Vanessa Redgrave was named as one of the possible suretors in court.

Interviewed outside, she declined to be specific about her financial involvement but said she was “very happy” to be of “some small assistance for Jamil and his wife”.

“It is a profound honour and I am glad to be alive to be able to do this,” she said. “Guantanamo Bay is a concentration camp.”

Well then, it’s a profound honor to call you a douchebag, Ms. Redgrave. Now, here’s a list of things to boycott.

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