A Wallet Full of Game

Rickey A. Kempter, a 50-year-old douchebag hailing from Cheyenne, Wyoming was picked up by authorities after printing phony $50 bills he intended to give to an exotic dancer. According to authorities:

Federal prosecutors say Kempter hired a[sic] the exotic dancer for a private dance at the Lariat Motel, and Kempter and the dancer shared a taxi to the location. The taxi driver called police after they arrived, saying Kempter asked him to hold a roll of $50 bills and he noticed that they looked odd and were not cut evenly.

According to court documents, Kempter told investigators that he made the bills on a printer in his home, but said he planned to go home and get real money to pay the dancer.

If convicted, Kempter faces up to 20 years in prison.

Best Buy Stands By Its Shoplifters

Jared Bergstreser, 20, and Colin Trapp, 23, were working their way through college at the Broomfield, Colorado Best Buy, at least until they violated the company’s “Please Steal Our Stuff” policy by tackling a shoplifter.

“A gentleman came by us in a red shirt with a bunch of product in his hand. It was pretty obvious that he hadn’t paid for it yet,” Trapp said.

“I just kind of reacted. I wasn’t thinking about it and followed the guy out the front door and tackled him,” Bergstreser said.

The thief pulled a knife, broke free, cut the store manager and then jumped into a car with an accomplice and escaped.  No arrests have been made.

Best Buy spokeswoman Kelly Groehler said that the company doesn’t discuss the termination of any employee, but she did elaborate on Best Buy’s “Please Steal Our Stuff” policy.

Groehler did say, “…that employees who work in our stores are aware, and trained, on the standard operating procedures for dealing with shoplifting or theft — which includes ceasing pursuit of a suspected shoplifter once they exit the store.”

That’s right.  There’s a window of about 10 feet between when it’s apparent that someone is taking stuff out of the store without paying for it and when the company will let them escape unhindered.

Groehler said the procedures are in place foremost for the safety of employees.

Well, if Best Buy really wanted to increase the safety of their employees they could just stop selling stuff that criminals want.  Alternatively, they could just pay their employees to stay home, while they leave their doors open and let people grab whatever they want and take it.

Local police say that whenever you see a theft in progress, whether it’s at a bank, a store or your own personal property, you shouldn’t try to be a hero. They say you should be the best witness you can be, get as much information as you can and call police promptly.

Local police also give a “Most Observant Sheep” award to the the victim who can best describe how they were preyed on by criminals. The Department also awards murder victims the “Lambs To The Slaughter” medal, posthumously of course.  Actually no, we made both those awards up.

For those criminals out there who might be reading this: If you shoplift from Best Buy in the future and an employee tries to stop you, be afraid.  This maniac doesn’t care about anything, including their job.  They probably have a death wish.

But don’t let Best Buy’s corporate headquarters down.  They’ve already established that they’re on your side.  If you can’t steal with corporate support, what kind of criminal are you?

If you want to let Best Buy know what you think of their policy of supporting shoplifting, feel free to contact them here.

Stephen Sahady Jr. “Is Like” A Child Pornographer

If you’re a married man making videos of yourself having sex with a fourteen year old girl, quite possibly the only thing you can do to further incriminate yourself is to say “Now this is like child porn and corrupting minors.”

According to an affidavit, that’s exactly what Evans City, PA resident, Stephen Sahady Jr., 25, did and said. He is being charged with aggravated indecent assault and corruption of minors.

Sahady’s wife Chantal reported the behavior to the police after it had been going on for a year. She had facilitated the abuse by picking the girl up from her Cranberry home and driving her to the Sahady residence.

The suspect’s wife said she witnessed some of the sexual acts but she ceased participating because it made her uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable?  One wonders why. It’s a good thing she immediately went to the police.

Mrs. Sahady said the encounters started Aug. 12 last year and continued at least weekly until last month.

Well, as long as she reported it within a year.

Chanel Sahady found herself in the position that many wives do: Wondering where to draw the line.  In this case, she chose poorly. The line isn’t between picking up a 14 year old for your husband to tag and tagging her yourself.  For future reference, the line is at “Hey honey,  I want to bang a 14 year old”.

State Police are examining the hard drive of Sahady’s computer  and further charges may be filed.

Anthony J. Peters: “Knucklehead” With A Pipe (now with actual photo)

HT to Pauly J for finding this douchebag’s MySpace page here.

Anthony J. Peters scored the douchebag  lottery Saturday.  Normally, a loser like himself wouldn’t meet anyone in government higher than the local prosecutor.  Peters got to meet Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett…and used the opportunity beat the mayor severely with a metal pipe.

20-year old Peters was doing what many douchebags spend their Saturday nights doing, having a domestic dispute with his baby mama’s mama.  Imagine his surprise when who else but the mayor, who was leaving the Wisconsin State Fair with his family, decided to intervene.

Peters fled when he heard the sirens of police reporting to the scene, but was arrested about noon Sunday near 17th St. and State St., according to Police Chief Edward A. Flynn.  This was hardly Peters’ first run in with the police.

“He’s somebody the West Allis police are familiar with as one of their local knuckleheads,” Flynn said.

At a news conference Sunday afternoon, the Flynn, West Allis Police Chief Mike Jungbluth and the mayor’s brother John Barrett portrayed Peters as a real winner.

Jungbluth described Peters as a “desperate man” who, according to witnesses, appeared intoxicated and who had threatened to shoot himself and others. He had taken a cell phone from a woman he was confronting, Jungbluth said.

We have to wonder though: If a douchebag threatens to shoot himself, is it really a threat?  If Stephen Hawking threatens to shoot himself (how we’re not sure of, but we’re sure he’s smart enough to think of a way), that’s a threat.  For folks like Anthony Peters, off-ing oneself is less of a threat and more of an obligation.

Douchebag Report would like to echo the comments about Mayor Barrett from Patrice Harris, spokeswoman for the state fair.

“The management of Wisconsin State Fair Park commends Mayor Barrett for his actions as a good Samaritan after his departure from Wisconsin State Fair last night,” Harris said in the statement. “His efforts to aid a citizen’s cries for help should be praised and applauded.”

We’d also like to punch a douchebag like Peters in the face until our hand fractured, just like the mayor did.

UPDATE: Here’s Peters’ mug shot. (HT to TC)

Al Garcia: Defense Attorney, Meth Rapist

Some defense lawyers are noble defenders of an accused defendant’s constitutional rights in the court of law.  Others are just douchebags.

Al Garcia, last seen in the Douchebag Report unsuccessfully defending explosive intern Jennifer Nicole Anato-Mensah, has been charged with criminal sexual conduct in the third degree.

The allegations go back to last August, when a client says she showed up at Garcia’s office where pictures of Garcia with former Vice President Al Gore and President Bill Clinton hang on the wall.

She says Garcia looked like he had been partying. Then, he forced her to have sex with him. She said he boasted that he was “connected” and “plugged in.”

“Connected” and “plugged in” to what, her vagina?

The former Minneapolis City Hall insider is a douchebag among douchebags.

He was a power broker and deal maker, closely connected to then City Council President Jackie Cherryhomes, and indicted councilmember Joe Bienat among others.

But Garcia’s world started unraveling in February, when Anoka County prosecutors charged Garcia and his assistant with accepting methamphetamine as payment from a client. Those charges were dropped.

But his legal assistant, Misty Iverson, now faces federal charges of methamphetamine distribution, in which Garcia figures prominently.

Garcia is out on bail. The Minnesota Supreme Court recently placed his law license on a two-year probation for what’s described as “unethical terms in a fee agreement” and for making unauthorized charges on a client’s credit card.

Perhaps this has all been legal research on Garcia’s part.  After all, he can’t really understand his clients unless he’s actually been out in the world, committing crimes.

Hot Chick With Douchebag?

This post is a likely candidate for the other popular “douchebag” site, but we’re going for the content of the story here:

A Gahanna police officer filed a $3.5 million lawsuit against the city and the police department, claiming he endured “a humiliating and intolerable working environment” after his wife appeared nude for Playboy.

Ron Fithen filed the lawsuit last week in Franklin County, 10TV’s Maureen Kocot reported. 

According to the suit, Fithen claimed that the city refused to give him paid leave to drill with the U.S. Army National Guard that was scheduled from July through December.

Brian Zets, the attorney representing Gahanna, said that the city offered to change the officer’s schedule.

“(Fithen) just said, ‘I need to be accommodated so I can fulfill my Ohio National Guard duties’ and the city said, ‘Absolutely.  Here’s what we proposed,’ and he just refused to do it,” Zets said.

Fithen also claimed that his supervisor, Deputy Chief Ken Bell, told the U.S. Army National Guard that the officer was incompetent and dishonest and would soon be terminated.

“I’m confident that Deputy Chief Bell did not say anything that was defamatory or false in any way,” Zets said.

In looking at this guy’s photo, I think the backstory is fairly obvious. First, he’s a douchebag, and a below-average looking douchebag at that. Somehow, he ended up with a hot wife. He now spends his days and nights kowtowing to the high maintenance “trophy wife” that decides to explore her artistic side a la Playboy. Despite his protest, she poses anyway, because she clearly wears the pants in the family and he’ll do anything to keep her.

Now that her photos are made public, there’s nothing left to the imagination, and he’s got nothing to lord over his fellow officers anymore. In a desparate attempt to make everything right, the officer decides to sue. Kudos to our latest douchebag to file a frivolous lawsuit.

John William Moyer: Mouse Groper

Apparently John William Moyer likes mice.  Well, one mouse in particular: Minnie.

Moyer was found guilty of groping a woman playing Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World Tuesday morning.

Moyer, 60, of [Cressona,] Pennsylvania, was convicted of misdemeanor battery for the June incident this morning.
Judge Wayne Shoemaker imposed the sentence this morning.
“The verdict reinforces John William Moyer the fact that this type of behavior is not acceptable,” said Walt Disney World spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez. Disney officials also banned Moyer from entering any of the company’s resorts, Suarez said.

For those of you who didn’t catch it in the video, “It’s not okay to go to the diner and pinch a waitress’ butt anymore.” Douchebag Report is unsure of when it was “okay”, but thanks for the heads up, Prosecutor Bear.

Is Keith Griffin’s Pussy A Pervert?

In an excuse that ranks up there with “My dog ate my homework”, Keith Griffin is blaming his cat for downloading child pornography.

The Jensen Beach, FL man was charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after more than one thousand images were found on his computer.

According to a sheriff’s report Friday, Griffin told investigators that his cat jumped on the computer keyboard while he was downloading music. He said he had left the room and found “strange things” on his computer when he returned.

The cat’s lawyer claimed his client was being framed by the dog.  No, not really, but at this point, why not?

MADD Opponent Dies Tragically, Expectedly

GARDEN CITY, N.Y — Vehement Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) opponent Diane Schuler perished in a tragic, yet expected vehicular accident that claimed the lives of many innocent non-imbibing citizens.

According police reports, Schuler, who had consumed epic amounts of vodka and marijuana, piloted herself into an oncoming SUV. The apparent MADD protest claimed the lives of Schuler, along with her 2-year-old daughter, and three nieces:

Diane Schuler, who died along with her 2-year-old daughter and three nieces in her red minivan, had more than 10 drinks of alcohol in her system and a high level of the main ingredient in marijuana, authorities said. A broken 1.75-liter bottle of Absolut vodka was found in her wrecked minivan, police said.

The apparent demonstration favoring non-temperance on the road also claimed the lives of three men that were struck by Schuler’s minivan. Police indicate that Schuler was well prepared to face her MADD opponents on the night of July 26th:

Investigators said Schuler had been driving erratically on other upstate roads before getting on the highway for the 140-mile trip home.

 Schuler’s blood-alcohol level was well above the legal limit, and she still had undigested alcohol in her stomach, State Police Maj. William Carey said Tuesday.

 Blood tests also showed she had smoked marijuana 15 minutes to an hour before the crash, said Betsy Spratt, chief toxicologist for the Westchester County medical examiner.

 ”With that level of alcohol … she would have had difficulty with perception, with her judgment, with her memory,” Spratt said. “You start to get what we call tunnel vision.”

 Or more simply…

Toxicology reports found the businesswoman’s blood-alcohol level was 0.19, more than twice the state’s legal limit of 0.08, Carey said. She also had 6 grams of undigested alcohol in her stomach, Carey said.

Now, to highlight the appalling nature of this whole thing is the following statement:

Others saw the vehicle veering from one lane to another, and one witness said it appeared as if she was attempting to pass him on the shoulder of the highway. Another witness said the van drove across a grass divider at a service area.

 Six drivers called 911 before the collision, which happened after Schuler drove 1.7 miles south in the parkway’s northbound lane.

Could NY State police have responded sooner, giving this story a happier ending? New York is famous for the slogan “if you see something, say something.” Apparently, a lot of people did… and a lot of people died.

Fraser Man Mistakes Game Of Monopoly For Mafia Wars

Just because the game of Monopoly is based on Atlantic City doesn’t give its players free reign to imitate some of the city’s more Italian residents. If one is looking to use violence and intimidation to facilitate the acquisition of property then one should consider playing Web 2.0’s most popular pastimes, Mafia Wars rather than trying to introduce it to more traditional board games. Case in point:

A friendly game of Monopoly turned ugly when a Fraser man hit a friend in the side of the head and knocked her off a chair, knocking off her glasses, when she refused to sell him Boardwalk and Park Place, Fraser police said.

Kenneth Reppke, 54, of Fraser was charged with misdemeanor assault and battery in the incident Saturday at a home in the 15000 block of Van, Public Safety Lt. Dan Kolke said.

Once Mr. Reppke has gotten out of the joint, he may have made some friends who could get him in touch with a Don with need of his talents and tactics.

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