John William Moyer: Mouse Groper

Apparently John William Moyer likes mice.  Well, one mouse in particular: Minnie.

Moyer was found guilty of groping a woman playing Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World Tuesday morning.

Moyer, 60, of [Cressona,] Pennsylvania, was convicted of misdemeanor battery for the June incident this morning.
Judge Wayne Shoemaker imposed the sentence this morning.
“The verdict reinforces John William Moyer the fact that this type of behavior is not acceptable,” said Walt Disney World spokeswoman Zoraya Suarez. Disney officials also banned Moyer from entering any of the company’s resorts, Suarez said.

For those of you who didn’t catch it in the video, “It’s not okay to go to the diner and pinch a waitress’ butt anymore.” Douchebag Report is unsure of when it was “okay”, but thanks for the heads up, Prosecutor Bear.

Is Keith Griffin’s Pussy A Pervert?

In an excuse that ranks up there with “My dog ate my homework”, Keith Griffin is blaming his cat for downloading child pornography.

The Jensen Beach, FL man was charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after more than one thousand images were found on his computer.

According to a sheriff’s report Friday, Griffin told investigators that his cat jumped on the computer keyboard while he was downloading music. He said he had left the room and found “strange things” on his computer when he returned.

The cat’s lawyer claimed his client was being framed by the dog.  No, not really, but at this point, why not?

MADD Opponent Dies Tragically, Expectedly

GARDEN CITY, N.Y — Vehement Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) opponent Diane Schuler perished in a tragic, yet expected vehicular accident that claimed the lives of many innocent non-imbibing citizens.

According police reports, Schuler, who had consumed epic amounts of vodka and marijuana, piloted herself into an oncoming SUV. The apparent MADD protest claimed the lives of Schuler, along with her 2-year-old daughter, and three nieces:

Diane Schuler, who died along with her 2-year-old daughter and three nieces in her red minivan, had more than 10 drinks of alcohol in her system and a high level of the main ingredient in marijuana, authorities said. A broken 1.75-liter bottle of Absolut vodka was found in her wrecked minivan, police said.

The apparent demonstration favoring non-temperance on the road also claimed the lives of three men that were struck by Schuler’s minivan. Police indicate that Schuler was well prepared to face her MADD opponents on the night of July 26th:

Investigators said Schuler had been driving erratically on other upstate roads before getting on the highway for the 140-mile trip home.

 Schuler’s blood-alcohol level was well above the legal limit, and she still had undigested alcohol in her stomach, State Police Maj. William Carey said Tuesday.

 Blood tests also showed she had smoked marijuana 15 minutes to an hour before the crash, said Betsy Spratt, chief toxicologist for the Westchester County medical examiner.

 ”With that level of alcohol … she would have had difficulty with perception, with her judgment, with her memory,” Spratt said. “You start to get what we call tunnel vision.”

 Or more simply…

Toxicology reports found the businesswoman’s blood-alcohol level was 0.19, more than twice the state’s legal limit of 0.08, Carey said. She also had 6 grams of undigested alcohol in her stomach, Carey said.

Now, to highlight the appalling nature of this whole thing is the following statement:

Others saw the vehicle veering from one lane to another, and one witness said it appeared as if she was attempting to pass him on the shoulder of the highway. Another witness said the van drove across a grass divider at a service area.

 Six drivers called 911 before the collision, which happened after Schuler drove 1.7 miles south in the parkway’s northbound lane.

Could NY State police have responded sooner, giving this story a happier ending? New York is famous for the slogan “if you see something, say something.” Apparently, a lot of people did… and a lot of people died.

Fraser Man Mistakes Game Of Monopoly For Mafia Wars

Just because the game of Monopoly is based on Atlantic City doesn’t give its players free reign to imitate some of the city’s more Italian residents. If one is looking to use violence and intimidation to facilitate the acquisition of property then one should consider playing Web 2.0′s most popular pastimes, Mafia Wars rather than trying to introduce it to more traditional board games. Case in point:

A friendly game of Monopoly turned ugly when a Fraser man hit a friend in the side of the head and knocked her off a chair, knocking off her glasses, when she refused to sell him Boardwalk and Park Place, Fraser police said.

Kenneth Reppke, 54, of Fraser was charged with misdemeanor assault and battery in the incident Saturday at a home in the 15000 block of Van, Public Safety Lt. Dan Kolke said.

Once Mr. Reppke has gotten out of the joint, he may have made some friends who could get him in touch with a Don with need of his talents and tactics.

Nick’s Towing and Pool Service

Here’s some cell phone based negligence that not even DC area Metro operators can hold a candle to:

LOCKPORT, N.Y. (AP) – Police said a Buffalo-area tow truck driver was texting on one cell phone while talking on another when he slammed into a car and crashed into a swimming pool. Niagara County sheriff’s deputies said 25-year-old Nicholas Sparks of Burt admitted he was texting and talking when his flatbed truck hit the car Wednesday morning in Lockport.

The truck then crashed through a fence and sideswiped a house before rolling front-end first into an in-ground pool.

The 68-year-old woman driving the car suffered head injuries and was in good condition. Her 8-year-old niece suffered minor injuries.

Sparks was charged with reckless driving, talking on a cell phone and following too closely. It couldn’t be determined Thursday morning if he has a lawyer.

Now that’s what we at the Douchebag Report call some mighty fine multi-taskin’.

Justin Barrett: Boston’s Finest Racist

There’s always one. Just when it looked that Gates-Gate was a clear example of Barack Obama being out of touch with modern law enforcement attitudes towards race, one douchebag has to come out of the woodwork and ruin the narrative.

The douchebag in this case is Officer Justin Barrett, 36, who “acted stupidly” by referring to Henry Louis Gates Jr. as a “jungle monkey” in an e-mail which found its way to the Boston Globe, members of the National Guard and finally to Boston Police Commissioner Ed Davis, who immediately demanded Barrett’s badge and gun.

“I just say that we want to rid our department of the cancer, and that is what we did — rid the department of the cancer. All the police officers I know don’t condone any of that,” Boston Mayor Tom Menino said. “An individual preaching hate has no place in our society.”

Barrett is assigned to District B-3. He was placed on administrative leave pending a termination hearing.

The officer has had a badge with the department for two years and received extensive training in racial profiling prevention while in the academy.

“People go through these courses and they pass them and you don’t know what they are going to do in a situation,” Menino said.

Barrett does have one possible defense.  The Urban Dictionary has three entries for the term “jungle monkey”.  The first two describe the term as “A racist word for a (black person or African-American)”. However, the last term is less derogatory.

Another term for a stud, player, etc. A man who swings from bush to bush with ease. Used most often in a mildly offensive manner; typically applied to men who pick up ugly women. This implies their fortune wasn’t due to their charm, but rather their hefty beer goggles or lack of self-respect/taste.

Without the full email to determine context, we may not know Barrett’s intent of the term, but it’s somewhat unlikely that he was referring to Gates’ tendency to tag  mopeds.

Nice going douchebag.  Now Obama and his race-baiting friends have a leg to stand on.

Oskaloosa Chiropractor Thinks He’s A Gynecologist

Oskaloosa police arrested 33-year-old chiropractor Jason Daniel Ebelsheiser Monday on five counts of 3rd degree sexual abuse and one count of tampering with records.

By Tuesday morning, however, he was back at work at Hometown Chiropractic, treating patients. Most of the patients in his office defended Ebelsheiser.  There were also those who didn’t.

But one former patient who didn’t want to be identified by face or name painted a different picture.

“He asked me if he could undo my pants and I was like, ‘yeah, OK,’” said the patient.

An Oskaloosa mom wrote on her blog about her experience.

“My main problems are in my hip/pelvis area so I know that in order to fix that his hands are going to be in “sensitive” areas, the thing I’m struggling with is if it is normal or standard for his hands to be down my pants and even underwear,” wrote the patient.

We at Douchebag Report guess that in Oskaloosa, IA, the folks don’t like their alternative medicine that alternative.

Horizon Management Group: For All Your Moldy Apartment Needs?

How much is a Tweet worth to you?  For Horizon Group Management LLC, one Twitter Tweet is worth $50,000.

That’s the amount of damages specified in a lawsuit against Amanda Bonnen, one of their tenants, after she complained about mold in her apartment via her Twitter account, abonnen (The account has been deleted at this time):

“Who said sleeping in a moldy apartment was bad for you? Horizon realty thinks it’s okay.”

In Cook County Circuit Court, Horizon Group Management filed suit, saying that the false and defamatory tweet, sent May 12, greatly injured their reputation as a landlord.

Horizon’s Jeffrey Michael filed the lawsuit to protect his family company’s reputation.

“We’re a sue first, ask questions later kind of an organization,” he said, noting that the company manages 1,500 apartments in Chicago and has a good reputation it wants to preserve.

Well, Jeff, we’re sure that now that everyone knows what a douchebags you and the folks at Horizon are, that great reputation will prevail intact. When this all ends badly for Horizon, will you explain how you had to destroy the company in order to save it?

Speaking of Twitter, why not follow Douchebag Report?

Media Exonerates Rapist, Pedophile

 

Rant:  ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC — You’re missing a huge story here… There’s a (*sssshhhh* homosexual Democrat) named Frank Lombard, the Associate Director for Duke University’s Center for Health Policy…

 

ABC isn’t reporting that he’s gay. NBC isn’t reporting that he logged into a chat room as “perv dad for fun.” CBS isn’t acknowledging that he traded his 5-year-old son for sex. CNN and MSNBC remains silent in this minority child for sex scandal…

Perhaps this crime doesn’t fit an MSM agenda: (click here to see only ONE Lombard reference) when “duke” and “rapist” are put together. 

Alas, let’s thank American Thinker for telling us what we need to know:

Frank Lombard is the associate director of Duke’s Center for Health Policy. The university administrator was recently arrested by the FBI and charged with offering up his adopted 5-year-old son for sex. I tried to contact Frank Lombard over the weekend to probe his expertise regarding the health benefits of raping small children. So far, he’s declined to comment.

University administrator Lombard is accused of logging on to a chat room online and describing himself as a “perv dad for fun.” The detective who wisely looked into the suspicious screen name says that Lombard admitted to molesting his own adopted son. All this was before allegedly inviting a stranger to travel to North Carolina from another state to statutorily rape his already-molested adopted son.

It gets worse. The allegations are stunning and sickening. Adams spares us what he says is the worst.
However, identity politics are probably also involved in understanding the media response. Again, Adams:

The Associate Press (AP) did not mention the fact that the five-year old offered up for molestation was black. Bringing that fact to light might be damaging to the political coalition that exists between blacks and gays. Nor did the AP mention that the adopted child is being raised by a homosexual couple. Bringing that fact to light might harm the gay adoption movement.

The Mayor With Pee Perks

 

Let it be said that Barack Obama is not the only one who is accompanied by a security contingent when he goes to the little president’s room:

 

SNELLVILLE, Ga. (AP) – Snellville politics have reached a low point. Jerry Oberholtzer, the mayor of the Atlanta suburb, has been asking for police escorts to the restroom in City Hall after a verbal altercation with city council member Robert Jenkins a few months ago. Oberholtzer says he no longer feels comfortable around Jenkins.

Jenkins says the mayor has no reason to worry for his physical safety and should only “fear me as a political opponent.” The mayor has even had police Chief Roy Whitehead escort him to the restroom.

 

Jenkins and Oberholtzer have butted heads for years. Last week, the mayor sent pictures of what he said are code violations at one of Jenkins’ properties to police. Authorities issued a warning to the councilman to clean up by March 1 or face jail time.

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