Holy Land Foundation: Terrorist-Supporting Douchebags

Five former officials of the Holy Land Foundation for Relief and Development (HLF) were convicted on all counts of supporting Hamas Monday, the Investigative Project on Terrorism reports.

The original trial had ended in a mistrial last year.

The men, Shukri Abu-Baker, Ghassan Elashi, Mohamed El-Mezain, Mufid Abdulqader and Abdelrahman Odeh, could face up to 20 years in prison for their convictions on conspiracy counts, including conspiring to provide material support to terrorists. The verdicts, read Monday afternoon, ended a two-year saga in what is considered the largest terror financing case since the 9/11 attacks.

The second trial went much more smoothly, after prosecutors streamlined their case.

Prosecutors made a series of significant adjustments, from dropping 29 counts each against defendants Mufid Abdulqader and Abdelrahman Odeh, to adding new witnesses who could put the charity support in context. In addition, jurors in this trial saw three exhibits Israeli military officials seized from the Palestinian Authority which showed the PA also considered HLF to be a Hamas financer and that an HLF-supported charity committee was controlled by Hamas.

The result was a much more streamlined case that followed a logical narrative, said Peter Margulies, a law professor at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island. Seeing the Palestinian Authority reach the same conclusion as the U.S. government had to have helped, he said.

So long, douchebags.

‘Mikaeel’ Jackson: Muslim Popstar

No, we’re serious.  According to The Sun, Michael Jackson, weirdo douchebag extraordinaire, has converted to Islam and changed his name to Mikaeel.

MICHAEL JACKSON has become a Muslim — and changed his name to MIKAEEL.

The skint superstar, 50, donned Islamic garb to pledge allegiance to the Koran in a ceremony at a pal’s mansion in Los Angeles, The Sun can reveal.

Jackson was raised a Jehovah’s Witness but was apparently convinced to convert to Islam when the producer Phillip Bubal aka Idris Phillips, and songwriter David Wharnsby aka Dawud Wharnsby Ali who he was working with told him that they thought they had become better people after they converted.

“An Imam was summoned from the mosque and Michael went through the shahada, which is the Muslim declaration of belief.” Mikaeel is the name of one of Allah’s angels.

“Jacko rejected an alternative name, Mustafa — meaning “the chosen one”.

Brit singer Yousef Islam, 60 — who was called Cat Stevens until he famously converted — turned up to help Jacko celebrate.

Is Islam the new Scientology for pop stars?  Good question, but we  here at Douchebag Report have our own theory about what attracted Jacko to the faith.

Al Qaeda Doesn’t Think That Obama’s “Change” Is Something They Believe In

Al Qaeda Douchebag Ayman al-Zawahiri released an audio tape today attacking Obama’s policy towards Israel, contrasting Obama with Malcolm X and calling the President-elect a “House Negro”.

Zawahiri is unimpressed with Obama’s plan to pull troops out of Iraq to fight in Afghanistan.

Zawahiri condemns Obama’s plan to move troops from Iraq to Afghanistan as a policy “destined for failure before it was born” and tells Obama that “a heavy legacy of failure and crimes” awaits him.

Zawahiri also claims that by electing Barack Obama, the American people have admitted defeat in Iraq.

In related news, another Al Qaeda Douchebag, Abdullah Azam al-Saudi, was pumped full of Hellfire overnight.

Islamic Terrorists Find One Last Best Way To Alienate Everyone

In a desperate attempt to find a way to destroy any sympathy for their cause, Islamic terrorists are apparently using child pornography to conceal their communications. Police are attempting to investigate the link between terrorism and pedophilia.

The move follows the discovery of sex abuse material during investigations into a number of advanced suspected plots.

It is not clear yet whether the terrorists chose child pornography because of a personal interest or merely because it represents a useful medium for disseminating information.

One might think there’s a disconnect between being a devout Muslim and viewing child pornagraphy, but it’s not quite that simple.  There are a couple theories as to why there might be a connection.

“It shows that these people are very confused. Here they are hating Western decadence but actually making use of it and finding that they enjoy this stuff,” a source told the Times.

There is another, possibly more disturbing possibility.  Pedophilia isn’t quite as alien to Muslims as some might want us to believe.

Back in the 19th century, ethnic Pashtuns fighting in Britain’s colonial army sang odes talking of their longing for young boys.

Homosexuality, cloaked in the tradition of strong masculine bonds that are a hallmark of Islamic culture and are even more pronounced in southern Afghanistan’s strict, sexually segregated society, has long been a clandestine feature of life here. But pedophilia has been its curse.

In other words, just as priests’ vows of celibacy are blamed for pedophilia in the Catholic church.  It’s possible that Islam’s sexual mores lead followers to look to young boys to satisfy their sexual needs.

Douchebag Report should point out that if you find that a Muslim you know is in possession of child porn, he isn’t necessary a pedophile terrorist.  He might just be a pedophile…or just be a terrorist…but he’s definately a douchebag.

The Mayor Of Batman Is A Douchebag

Huseyin Kalkan, the mayor of the Turkish city Batman, is suing Warner Bros. and its CEO Christopher Nolan for royalties from the movie “The Dark Night”. Kalkan accused the studio of using his city’s name without permission.

“There is only one Batman in the world,” Kalkan said. “The American producers used the name of our city without informing us.”

Among the charges being prepared, Kalkan places the blame for a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological effect on the city’s residents caused by the film.

This is not the first time that Kalkan has filed suit against Warner Bros.  The company settled with Kalkan for an undisclosed amount in 2007. Kalkan has been accused of funneling that money to the PKK, a Kurdish militant group seeking independence from Turkey.

Kalkan, a Turkish Kurd, was sentenced to ten months in prison for praising Kurdish PKK leader Abdullah Ocalan and saying the PKK was not a terrorist organization in a 2006 interview with the LA Times.

Douchebag Preacher Plotted To Spring Fellow Jihadi

Remember Abu Qatada?  Douchebag Report’s story yesterday revealed that he’d been re-arrested for violating his bail conditions. More facts have come to light and now it appears that fellow douchebag jihad preacher Omar Bakri gave orders to his followers to spring Qatada out of his house arrest and smuggle him out of the UK.

In an audio recording obtained by The Sun, the evil cleric instructed: “There are two ways to help (Qatada). One is maybe try to help him against the kuffar (non-believer) to remove all these restrictions. Or by smuggling him outside the country if you can find a way.”

He then adds: “Try to help him financially or socially – whatever way you can.”

Bakri is no stranger to the international jihadist terrorist network.

Bin Laden’s Right-Hand Douchebag Arrested…Again

Abu Qatada has been arrested in Britain for violating his strict bail conditions.

Qatada’s bail conditions dictate that he must wear an electronic tag, is banned from using mobile phones or computers, and must get Home Office permission to see visitors other than family members or lawyers.

Douchebag Report wonders what the point of having the Qatada out on bail in the first place is.

The preacher once called upon British Muslims to martyr themselves. Tapes of his sermons were found in a German flat that had been used by some of the September 11 hijackers.

So he’s just the type of individual that one might prefer to be in a small jail cell.

Qatada, who was convicted in his absence in Jordan of involvement with terror attacks in 1998 and of a millennium bomb plot, was released on bail in June from a maximum security prison in Worcestershire. Judges ruled he would not get a fair trial in Amman.

It’s unclear why lacking a fair trial in Jordan makes it a good idea to release him from prison.

It appears that this isn’t lost on the British government.

The Religion Of Peace?

 

Al Qaeda leader Abu Yahya al-Libi has issued this little gem of a prayer to mark the feast of Eid al-Fitr:

 

“O God, humiliate Bush and his party, O Lord of the Worlds, degrade and defy him,” Abu Yahya al-Libi said at the end of sermon marking the Muslim feast of Eid al-Fitr, in a video posted on the Internet.

According to this Reuters article, this is the first time that an al Qaeda leader had made any remarks regarding U.S. elections.

Attackers ‘Gouge Out Afghan Man’s Eyes’

Here’s a fun story out of Afghanistan:

Armed assailants have attacked a man, gouging out his eyes in front of his family in southern Afghanistan, officials say.

The man, Sayed Ghulam, is being treated in a hospital in the southern city of Kandahar.

Ghulam, 52, said three armed men knocked on his door in the Sangin district of Helmand province late Thursday. After he opened the door, they punched him in the face, put the barrel of a Kalashnikov rifle in his mouth and gouged out his eyes with a knife in the presence of his wife and seven children.

"I was crying, along with my children and wife, who was screaming for help, but they didn’t listen," Ghulam told The Associated Press from his hospital room in Kandahar.

Ghulam, a farmer, said he doesn’t know why he was attacked.

What a charming band of douchebags.  Who could they be?

Ghulam, whose head was almost completely wrapped in a large white bandage, said his attackers were wearing black turbans on their head like many Taliban fighters, but that he didn’t know who carried out the attack.

Taliban militants sometimes carry out harsh punishments for people they accuse of being thieves or "spies" for the Afghan government. Such punishments have included cutting off people’s hands or tarring and parading them publicly, but few reports of people having their eyes gouged out have surfaced in Afghanistan in recent years.

Saudi Cleric Trumps The V-Chip

Yet again, Saudi Arabia proves that its call for social and judicial change is nothing more than rhetoric. In a statement that plunges the country into an even more archaic level of cencorship, Saleh al-Luhaidan, chief justice of Saudi Arabia’s supreme judicial council has issued a religious edict indicating that owners and operators of television networks that broadcast “depravation and debauchery” may be killed:

“The owners of these channels propagate depravation and debauchery,” said Saleh al-Luhaidan, chief justice of the supreme judicial council, the highest judicial authority in the ultra-conservative Saudi kingdom.

He made the remarks on radio in response to a caller who asked him to give an opinion on what he said were “immoral” programmes on Arab television during the holy Muslim fasting month of Ramadan, a source at Al-Arabiya said.

“It is lawful to kill … the apostles of depravation… if their evil cannot be easily removed through simple sanctions,” Luhaidan said, according to excerpt of the remarks broadcast on the Saudi-owned Al-Arabiya.

The situation is “serious … the degradation of morals is a form of perversion on earth,” he added.

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