Happy Fourth of July

The editors of The Douchebag Report wish everyone a safe and happy 4th of July. We sincerely hope that you discount the discount the self-loathing ramblings of Philidelphia Inquirer journalist Chris Satullo and go out and light candles, enjoy fireworks, and sing a patriotic hymn this weekend.

Now take a moment and enjoy the Muppets Variation of Stars and Stripes Forever:

Chris Satullo: Don’t Celebrate the 4th

Douchebag columnist for the Philidelphia Inqurier Chris Satullo isn’t celebrating the 4th of July, and doesn’t want you to, either. Why is that? Well, he says that we’re unworthy of our heritage. Here’s an excerpt from his treason piece(piece indeed):

Put the fireworks in storage.
Cancel the parade.

Tuck the soaring speeches in a drawer for another time.

This year, America doesn’t deserve to celebrate its birthday. This Fourth of July should be a day of quiet and atonement.

For we have sinned.

We have failed to pay attention. We’ve settled for lame excuses. We’ve spit on the memory of those who did that brave, brave thing in Philadelphia 232 years ago.

If you have the stomach, I recommend reading the entire column. It’s amazing how far liberalism, left-loathing, and a typewriter can get you. In any event, no real commentary here… just an open letter from the Douchebag Report to Mr. Satullo:

To: csatullo@phillynews.com

Subject: Are you drunk?

Dear Sir:

How dare you say such incendiary things before a blessed and well-deserved national holiday? These are the times when Americans need to band together to celebrate everything that we actually have. This is a time to call attention to past and present struggles that we’ve had to deal with as a nation – struggles to preserve the freedoms that we SHOULD be celebrating.

This is indeed a time to display flags, sing patriotic hymns, go to a baseball game, and eat apple pie in celebration of the selfless, giving souls that strive for our preservation.

I wish I could say that I’d never come across your column. It pains me to see such egregious examples of the Main Stream Media’s contempt for the public. I am happy to report that few citizens share your bleak views of America. The reality is that the globe at large does not hate America. The reality is that we have not fallen upon dark times. The reality is that media outlets such as yours need to be kept in check so that far-left agendas such as yours do not poison the fabric of this nation.

Do me a favor and take this 4th of July to think about what you’ve written, and what liberties have been granted to you, enabling you to get away with such treasonous verbiage. Take this 4th of July, reflect, and stop being a douchebag.

Respectfully,
[Ed.]

Schumer The Market Manipulator

In an unprecedented “Leaky Leahy” maneuver, New York Senator Chuck Schumer released to the press a letter that he had penned, specifically noting the financial instability of the failing IndyMac Bancorp:

[D]epositors may have been spooked by a letter late last week from Sen. Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.) to the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., the Office of Thrift Supervision and the Federal Home Loan Bank of San Francisco, saying he was “concerned that IndyMac’s financial deterioration poses significant risks to both taxpayers and borrowers.”

The letter stunned some Wall Street analysts, who said Schumer was in effect sealing the lender’s fate by raising the prospect of its failure. Schumer’s response? Don’t kill the messenger. “Make no mistake about it: IndyMac’s problems were caused by IndyMac’s management and no one else,” Schumer spokesman Brian Fallon said in an email. “The home loan bank system has an obligation to lend responsibly and police its members. But it has not been doing its job. We have found the only way to get the home loan bank system to act appropriately and positively is to make public the concerns we’ve already expressed privately.”

The letter has irritated both bank regulators and bankers alike. John M. Reich, director of the Office of Thrift Supervision responds to the letter:

“Dissemination of incomplete or erroneous information can erode public confidence, mislead depositors and investors, and cause unintended consequences, including depositor runs and panic stock trades. Rumors and innuendo cause damage to financial institutions that might not occur otherwise and these concerns drive our strict policy of privacy.”

I think that statement explains Schumer’s motivations right there. Schumer, who clearly hails from the far-left would jump at any opportunity to erode public confidence during a Republican administration - especially during an election year. In any event, Schumer acted irresponsibly in leaking such a letter. After all, aren’t professional bank regulators supposed to do the regulating?  Schumer’s actions may vary well do irrevocable harm to the already failing loan industry.

All of this aside, John D. Hawke, the U.S. Comptroller of the Currency from 1998 to 2004 responds:

“If Schumer continues to go public with letters raising questions about the condition of individual institutions, he will cause havoc in the banking system,” Hawke said.

“Leaking his IndyMac letter to the press was reckless and grossly irresponsible. I don’t see how he can be trusted with confidential information in the future. What this incredibly stupid conduct does is put at risk the willingness of regulators to share any information with the [congressional] oversight committees. After this, you’d be crazy to share information with Schumer.”

Reckless. Grossly irresponsible. Can’t be trusted with confidential information. Stupid conduct. Mr. Hawke, I think you nailed it. The Democrats prove again that they cannot be trusted with confidential information.