Toy Story

 

Two men, Alejandro Moreno, 39 and Juan Meza, 28 were found dead within a Palm Desert, CA, Toys “R” Us store, after a fight had escalated to fatal proportions. According to witnesses, both men were seen with women who had apparently gotten into a fight moments before the gunfight began:

There was no official word of any relationship between the victims or exactly what caused the shooting to erupt, but authorities said there may have already been bad blood between the two couples.

Joan Barrick of Desert Hot Springs said she was about 6 feet away from the shooting when it occurred.

She said she was standing at the end of a long checkout line when she heard two young Latinas shouting at each other.

One was described as a bleached blonde, Barrick said. Televised video showed a woman with blonde hair being placed into a squad car while shouting at someone that she was going to kill the person.

“The blonde lady came over and started pummeling the other Hispanic lady,” Barrick told City News Service.

“That’s when the guy took out the weapon,” she said.

According to the witness, the man accompanying the blonde — Meza - was the first to pull a gun, and then the man with the other woman — Moreno — pulled out a gun as well.
The two men opened fire in an area between the checkout line and the electronics section of the store, she said.

Black Friday Shootings:

Thanksgiving Day Parade Gets Rick-Rolled

 

Oh joy:

 

Democrat Voter Logic

 

Senate hopeful Al Franken seems to have taken a lesson from Al Gore. The lesson learned is that voters who are too dumb to vote are decidedly voting Democrat. At least, that’s what each of Franken’s post-election actions would lead one to believe. It is no secret that Franken wishes to continue the recount battle until each and every rejected ballot is “found,” assuring a Democrat victory in Minnesota. 

 

As it happens, there are about 12,000 absentee votes that were rejected. On top of that, there are another 5,000 ballots that are being challenged in this election. Now, why were these ballots rejected? Rick Moran of American Thinker writes:

Some people voted for both candidates. Others were not signed as required by law of all absentee ballots. Still others made no selection at all or their intent was unclear.

So, a brief analysis of Al Franken logic would lead one to believe that if you (a) voted for both candidates, (b) did not legitimize your ballot, or (c) voted for neither candidate, you still voted Democrat. Doesn’t this sound a lot like the other big “Al” who refused to concede an election, despite other monumental victories such as inventing the Internet and global warming?

Much scarier than that, Al Franken may turn to the Liberal-heavy Senate itself to decide his fate as a candidate:

The board’s decision drew a response from the Senate’s top Democrat, Majority Leader Harry Reid, who called it a “cause for great concern.”

“As the process moves forward, Minnesota authorities must ensure that no voter is disenfranchised,” Reid said in a statement. “A citizen’s right to have his or her vote counted is fundamental in our democracy.”

The Senate has in rare cases inserted itself into elections, including a 1996 Louisiana race and a 1974 New Hampshire contest. The body has the power to determine its members’ qualifications.

This effectively means that the Democrats have the ability to bypass the legitimate popular vote of Minnesota, placing Al Franken into the Senate regardless of the previous failed recount attempts. A decision such as this could put the Democrats ever closer to a “super majority,” enabling them to block GOP filibuster attempts. Rick Moran summarizes nicely:

I wouldn’t put it past Reid or any other Democrat to pull an undemocratic stunt like that.

Well, neither would we. Douchebags one and all…

Clean-Up On Aisle 2

 

The term “Black Friday” took on an entirely more sinister meaning to friends and relatives of Jdimytai Damour, a Wal-Mart employee who was trampled to death early Friday morning. 

 

As the 34-year-old unlocked the doors of the New York Wal-mart, signaling the opening of the store, a surge of impatient douchebag shoppers flooded the entrance, knocking Damour to the ground:

 

Police said about 2,000 people were gathered outside the Wal-Mart doors before its 5 a.m. opening at a mall about 20 miles east of Manhattan. The impatient crowd knocked the employee, identified by police as Jdimytai Damour, to the ground as he opened the doors, leaving a metal portion of the frame crumpled like an accordion.

“This crowd was out of control,” Fleming said. He described the scene as “utter chaos,” and said the store didn’t have enough security.

Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help Damour were also getting trampled by the crowd, Fleming said. Shoppers stepped over the man on the ground and streamed into the store.

Damour, 34, of Queens, was taken to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead around 6 a.m., police said. The exact cause of death has not been determined.

As if this weren’t enough, store officials were met with anger and resistance as they announced that the store would be closed resulting from the death:

 

Kimberly Cribbs, who witnessed the stampede, said shoppers were acting like “savages.”

“When they were saying they had to leave, that an employee got killed, people were yelling ‘I’ve been on line since yesterday morning,’” she said. “They kept shopping.”

Authorities are now perusing security tapes in hopes of identifying those shoppers involved in the death. While the identification process may prove to be harder than anticipated, police believe that criminal charges may be filed. In this season of giving, lets hope that these ingrate douchebag shoppers are given the harsh sentences they deserve.

Twin Cities Exporting Terrorism To Somalia

Shirwa Ahmed, a Minneapolis resident and naturalized US citizen, is believed by the FBI and Homeland Security to have blown himself up in a suicide attack in Northern Somalia last month.  They are also investigating whether Ahmed had created a terrorist recruiting network in the Twin Cities region.

More than a dozen young men of Somali descent, mostly in their 20s, from the Minneapolis area have recently disappeared, U.S. law enforcement officials tell 5 EYEWITNESS NEWS. All are thought to be associates of Ahmed. U.S. officials suspect most of the young men have departed for Somalia to fight in ongoing violence there or to train in terrorist camps. Family members of the young men are said to be distraught, trying to figure to out what happened to them, sources say.

So the Somalis have to worry about a bunch of Americans who might have infiltrated their society and could blow themselves up at any moment?  That’s a switch.

The “Bro” / Mansiere?

 

I’ll admit that this isn’t standard Douchebag Report fare, but this little gem needed some attention. Apparently, the male brassiere has transcended from a famous Seinfeld plot to an actual undergarment that is sweeping Japan. According to this Reuters video (below), the “Boy Bra,” which retails for about $30 is selling like mad… I guess it only makes you a douchebag if you wear one:

 

Major Terror Attack in India

 

At least 80 are dead and more than 900 are injured in a terror attack upon the Indian financial center of Mumbai:

 

Mumbai: In one of the most violent terror attacks on Indian soil, Mumbai came under an unprecedented night attack as terrorists used heavy machine guns, including AK-47s, and grenades to strike at the city’s most high-profile targets — the hyper-busy CST (formerly VT) rail terminus; the landmark Taj Hotel at the Gateway and the luxury Oberoi Trident at Nariman Point; the domestic airport at Santa Cruz; the Cama and GT hospitals near CST; the Metro Adlabs multiplex and Mazgaon Dockyard — killing at least 80 and sending more than 900 to hospital, according to latest reports.

The attacks have taken a tragic toll on the city’s top police brass: The high-profile chief of the anti-terror squad Hemant Karkare was killed; Mumbai’s additional commissioner of police (east) Ashok Kamte was gunned down outside the Metro; and celebrated encounter specialist Vijay Salaskar was also killed.

The attacks appeared to be aimed at getting international attention as the terrorists took upto 40 British nationals and other foreigners hostage. The chairman of Hindustan Unilever Harish Manwani and CEO of the company Nitin Paranjpe were among the guests trapped at the Oberoi. All the internal board members of the multinational giant were reported to be holed up in the Oberoi hotel.

Here is some raw footage from an Indian source:

Pelosi to Light Capitol Christmas Tree

 

Energy conservation is the key for the U.S. Capitol Christmas tree this year. According to The Hill:

 

“The tree won’t be the only “green” component in the Christmas celebration . . . The tree will be decorated with energy-efficient LED lights, part of the Capitol’s efforts to conserve energy.”

Now, who better to light this 70-foot icon of conservation than Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who will then jet back to California on her huge, energy inefficient private plane.

Nurse Sexually Assaults Comatose Patient

Douchebags can be found everywhere - even in nursing homes. We found one in particular, Mark S. Albright, at the Chesapeake Health and Rehabilitation Center in Chesapeake, VA (sorry, no photo available).

Mr. Albright, a licensed practical nurse, pleaded guilty to the sexual assault of a comatose 43-year-old patient. According to police reports:

“[Albright] was working at Chesapeake Health and Rehabilitation Center when a female employee entered the room of a 43-year-old patient the night of July 3. She saw Albright ‘with his mouth on’ the woman’s breast, according to a police affidavit filed in court.

The patient had been at the facility for about a year and was in a coma, police said. Albright no longer works there.”

The douchebag is scheduled for sentencing on March 24, 2009, and faces up to 20 years in prison.

(hat tip to reader k.c)

Adam Guerbuez: Spamming Douchebag

Facebook won $873 million in damages from spammer Adam Guerbuez on Friday, in the largest award under the 2003 Can-Spam Act.

The award was handed down after four months of litigation.  The judgement also bans Guerbuez and his company, Atlantis Blue Capital, from accessing Facebook.

“We’ve all experienced spam — those unwanted and, sometimes, inappropriate marketing messages,” said Facebook director of security Max Kelly and deputy general counsel Mark Howitson in an e-mailed statement. “The bad guys behind those messages are always looking to find new ways to annoy people and Facebook’s users have been among those targeted. We don’t take this affront to our users lying down.”

Guerbuez didn’t show up to court, but Sam O’Rourke, senior corporate counsel for Facebook said, “We are going to go after him. We know where he is and we’re in the process of executing the judgment.”

Between March and April, Guerbuez sent more than 4 million spam messages to Facebook users, the complaint states. He allegedly did so by stealing Facebook users’ logon details using phishing messages and through data obtained from third parties. He then allegedly used botnets to spam Facebook users’ message posting pages, or Walls, with messages from the hijacked accounts of spam recipients’ Facebook friends.

Unlike e-mail spam, which is generally viewed and/or deleted in private, social networking spam may have social repercussions. The Wall-post spam was visible to anyone viewing an affected Facebook profile, and appeared to be endorsed by the account owner and the friend who posted it.

What was Guerbuez spamming for?

“The products marketed by these spam messages included marijuana, male enhancement pills, and sexually oriented material.”

Spamming for male enhancement pills?  That’s a switch.

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