Douchebag Trusts Family to Obama, Kills Self

An El Paso man who jumped 60 feet to his death on I-10 left a note for Barack Obama.

Police confirmed that the man left behind a note that read, “Obama take care of my family.”

While Douchebag Report may not frown upon douchebags who decide to off themselves, this incident was not victimless.

“Three units were tied up for three hours (and) four lanes of I-10 were turned into two lanes during rush hour,” Petry said. “When something like that happens in that location, we have to ensure the public’s safety so they can continue to navigate the roads safely.”

For Unknown Reason, Obama Sends Gore To Florida

In a possible bid to repeat Democrat misfortunes in Florida in 2000, Barack Obama has sent environmental moonbat and former Vice President Al Gore to the state to stump for him.

“Florida, as you know, may well be the state that determines the outcome of this election,” Gore said this afternoon in West Palm Beach.

Which raises the question why Obama would send Gore in the first place.  Maybe he’s just sending Gore south to minimize the Gore Effect.

Pittsburgh Hookers Won’t Screw Obama

Alleghany County’s female prostitutes will be handing their vote to Obama this election season.  78% are registered Democrats.  They aren’t the only ones.

The Illinois senator also has the advantage with local "johns" — 72 percent go Democratic. And convicted pimps: Four out of every five register Democratic. And for the most special of special interest groups — male transvestite hookers — they’re batting a thousand for Dems, albeit in drag.

As much as Obama might appreciate their support, Dan Fee, a top Philadelphia Democratic consultant who helped Obama’s Pennsylvania primary campaign, raised questions arise as far as what he might do with it.

"You don’t disregard any voter, but how would you even advertise with these women?" said Fee, Gov. Ed Rendell’s former spokesman.

Don’t worry, Fee, Douchebag Report is sure you’ll find some use for them.