Mark Ritchie: Minnesotan Douchebag

Minnesota Secretary of State Mark Ritchie is attempting to make Katherine Harris look good by comparison as he injects as much partisanship and incompetence into the vote counting for the election between Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) and Democrat Al Franken.

Asked about the Coleman campaign’s criticism of the recanvassing process, Ritchie said: “Their goal is to win at any price. They’ve invested millions and millions of dollars. We consider this part of the normal political rhetoric,” said Ritchie. “We’re used to the political rhetoric being amped up. That’s part of their job — to win at any price.”

Ritchie later denied making the comment at a press conference.

Kanye West Pushes The Douchebag Envelope

Rapper-producers don’t usually have to try very hard to be a douchebag.  It just comes naturally to them.  Kanye West has, apparently, decided to see how far into douchebaggery he can go if he really puts some effort behind it.

“I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice,” he said in an interview on Wednesday. “It’s me settling into that position of just really accepting that it’s one thing to say you want to do it and it’s another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan.”

It’s unclear what the exact criteria which is necessary to be “the voice of this generation”, but we’re sure in West’s mind, it’s mostly concerned with who is the most Kanye West person in the world.  And who releases the most albums.

“There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin went on vacation I made albums,” he said. “And it just came out to be that.”

Apparently concerned that he hadn’t alienated as many people as possible, West decided to continue talking.

“I’m just going through balancing that. And I always used to have that support system, you know. My mom would be there; no matter what, she was there before everything,” he said. “We were together for like 30 years. And you know now when I’m on that stage and I look out and I say, ‘What am I going to do with the rest of my life?’ Like when does a real life start?’ Because I have sacrificed real life to be a celebrity and to give this art to people, which is great. It is great that I was able to do that, I’m not trying to shun that in any way, but it’s definitely a Catch-22 and it’s bittersweet.”

STOP TALKING! JUST STOP TALKING!

New Michael Moore “Documentary” Attacks The Economy

Über-douchebag Michael Moore is making a new movie about the state of the global economy and America’s slipping role at the top of it.

The untitled movie will contain an end-of-the-empire tone, say those familiar with the project, and Moore no doubt hopes that this will give it a more general feel that will untether it from a specific political moment.

Moore fights an uphill battle, as the economy is changing too fast for a documentary to be relevant when it is released.

In the meantime, a focus on the collapsing markets brings its own risk, Minassian said. “The problem with the financial crisis is that it’s changing so quickly. I’m not sure how relevant is going to be in six months, and I’m not sure if people want to hear it; my sense is they already have a pretty good idea of a lot of the people who are to blame for it.”

The last election also presents a stumbling block, as it’s hard for Moore to attack the country and way it is run when all of his fans just put “Mr. Change” Barak Obama into office.

But some political and entertainment experts wonder how much Moore’s incredulousness and occasional pessimism about the state of U.S. policy, which served the filmmaker well during the George W. Bush years, will play in the current hopeful climate brought on President-elect Barack Obama.

Of course, if Michael Moore is attacking the economy, then we can take comfort in the fact that its foundation is sound and it’s all going to be fine soon.

Study: Obama Supporters Are Intolerant

Catherine Vogt, 14, an Illinois 8th grader decided to test whether the talk of inclusiveness and tolerance surrounding the Obama campaign was true or a bunch of “malarkey”.

Catherine consulted her history teacher and concocted an experiment.  She would wear political t-shirts and record the reaction of her teachers and fellow students.

The experiment began when Catherine wore a t-shirt with “McCain Girl” written on it in red.

“I was just really curious how they’d react to something that different, because a lot of people at my school wore Obama shirts and they are big Obama supporters,” Catherine told us. “I just really wanted to see what their reaction would be.”
Immediately, Catherine learned she was stupid for wearing a shirt with Republican John McCain’s name. Not merely stupid. Very stupid.
“People were upset. But they started saying things, calling me very stupid, telling me my shirt was stupid and I shouldn’t be wearing it,” Catherine said.
Then it got worse.
“One person told me to go die. It was a lot of dying. A lot of comments about how I should be killed,” Catherine said, of the tolerance in Oak Park.

It got worse from there.

Then Catherine wore a shirt saying “Obama Girl” on it the next day.  Reactions were somewhat different.

Catherine wasn’t very stupid anymore. She grew brains.
“People liked my shirt. They said things like my brain had come back, and I had put the right shirt on today,” Catherine said.

Catherine wrote up a report and turned it in for extra-credit.  Her teacher, Norma Cassin-Pountney, held a discussion in class about the irony of intolerant Obama supporters.

“That’s what we discussed,” Cassin-Pountney said about the debate in the classroom when the experiment was revealed. “I said, here you are, promoting this person [Obama] that believes we are all equal and included, and look what you’ve done? The students were kind of like, ‘Oh, yeah.’ I think they got it.”

That would be a “change”.

California Bans School Bake Sales

In an effort to maintain the reputation of the Loony Left Coast, the State of California has banned school bake sales.  Yes, you read that that.  California has banned school bake sales.

At Piedmont High School, principal Randall Booker has enforced a zero tolerance policy for what used to be a campus tradition.
“I love the bake sales,” he said. “I eat them myself. But there are state laws that we just have to abide by.”
To combat the epidemic of childhood obesity, new state nutrition guidelines strictly limit the fat, sugar and total calories of any food sold on campus during school days - even before and after school.

As crazy as California nutrition regulations are, this could just be an attempt to end stupid bumper sticker slogans.