Rudy’s Helpful Advice To Obama

Rudy Giuliani has spoken out on President Obama’s comments regarding the Prof. Gates arrest.

He also offered, in response to the president’s hope that the Gates arrest would be a “teachable moment,” this:

“He’s actually right. It is teachable. Here’s the lesson: Shut up.”

The Most Offensive Thing, Barr-None

Hollywood’s hateful cow bitch Roseanne Barr has demonstrated to the world once again exactly how low and classless she really is (as if this comes as a surprise to anyone).

The failed wife, radio host, and well, all-around failure sank to a new low, proving that fat doesn’t float in Hollywood:

Her most-recent tailspin into the gutter involved a photo shoot with Heeb magazine wherein she is seen wearing an Adolf Hitler moustache and swatsika as she takes burnt gingerbread “Jew Cookies” out of an oven [photo above].

In another, in same costume, she is shown about to take a bite out of one of these burnt cookie cookies [click here for pictures].

The photos featured in the magazine accompany the following article:

As the “Domestic Goddess” dons the famous moustache, transforming into “Domestic Goddess Hitler,” I notice that she’s beginning to have fun. She nails the Fuehrer’s facial expressions with twisted glee, and as she takes the burnt gingerbread “Jew Cookies” out of the oven it occurs to me that Barr may be the last celebrity utterly incapable of giving a f**k—a quality theoretically easy to embody until it’s time to face the practical repercussions. “Franklin Ajae, Paul Mooney, Mort Sahl and Dick Gregory’s passings will tear my kishkas out,” Barr laments. “They gave everything they had to just tell the truth, and they couldn’t make a decent living because of the choice they made—not selling out to Hollywood.”

The Douchebag Report would like to remind Ms. Barr that her 15 billion calories of fame have long since ended, and that her insensitivites have no place in our society. Oh yeah, and she’s a big, fat poopy-pants bitch too.

Nick’s Towing and Pool Service

Here’s some cell phone based negligence that not even DC area Metro operators can hold a candle to:

LOCKPORT, N.Y. (AP) – Police said a Buffalo-area tow truck driver was texting on one cell phone while talking on another when he slammed into a car and crashed into a swimming pool. Niagara County sheriff’s deputies said 25-year-old Nicholas Sparks of Burt admitted he was texting and talking when his flatbed truck hit the car Wednesday morning in Lockport.

The truck then crashed through a fence and sideswiped a house before rolling front-end first into an in-ground pool.

The 68-year-old woman driving the car suffered head injuries and was in good condition. Her 8-year-old niece suffered minor injuries.

Sparks was charged with reckless driving, talking on a cell phone and following too closely. It couldn’t be determined Thursday morning if he has a lawyer.

Now that’s what we at the Douchebag Report call some mighty fine multi-taskin’.

Justin Barrett: Boston’s Finest Racist

There’s always one. Just when it looked that Gates-Gate was a clear example of Barack Obama being out of touch with modern law enforcement attitudes towards race, one douchebag has to come out of the woodwork and ruin the narrative.

The douchebag in this case is Officer Justin Barrett, 36, who “acted stupidly” by referring to Henry Louis Gates Jr. as a “jungle monkey” in an e-mail which found its way to the Boston Globe, members of the National Guard and finally to Boston Police Commissioner Ed Davis, who immediately demanded Barrett’s badge and gun.

“I just say that we want to rid our department of the cancer, and that is what we did — rid the department of the cancer. All the police officers I know don’t condone any of that,” Boston Mayor Tom Menino said. “An individual preaching hate has no place in our society.”

Barrett is assigned to District B-3. He was placed on administrative leave pending a termination hearing.

The officer has had a badge with the department for two years and received extensive training in racial profiling prevention while in the academy.

“People go through these courses and they pass them and you don’t know what they are going to do in a situation,” Menino said.

Barrett does have one possible defense.  The Urban Dictionary has three entries for the term “jungle monkey”.  The first two describe the term as “A racist word for a (black person or African-American)”. However, the last term is less derogatory.

Another term for a stud, player, etc. A man who swings from bush to bush with ease. Used most often in a mildly offensive manner; typically applied to men who pick up ugly women. This implies their fortune wasn’t due to their charm, but rather their hefty beer goggles or lack of self-respect/taste.

Without the full email to determine context, we may not know Barrett’s intent of the term, but it’s somewhat unlikely that he was referring to Gates’ tendency to tag  mopeds.

Nice going douchebag.  Now Obama and his race-baiting friends have a leg to stand on.

News To Use: Hide Drugs Before Calling Police

Alejandra Olevera-Madrid of Concord, CA, had a bad night Monday, but a stupid error of judgement made it far worse.

A woman who called police to report that she was robbed at gunpoint was arrested after responding officers spotted what appeared to be methamphetamine in her home, police said today.

The woman called police about 10:45 p.m. Monday to report a robbery at her home in the first block of Lodge Drive, said Lt. Brian Wiesendanger. She told officers that a man armed with a handgun entered her home, held her at gunpoint and took her cell phone. She said the robber drove away in a four-door dark-colored compact sedan.

But as officers took the robbery report, they noticed what looked like a controlled substance — later suspected to be methamphetamine — in plain view.

So after bearing the the brunt of society’s criminal element, Alejandra found herself bearing the brunt of society’s police element.

Alejandra Olevera-Madrid, 44, was arrested on suspicion of possession and booked into County Jail in Martinez, where she is being held on $120,000 bail.

Alejandra Olevera-Madrid, we at Douchebag Report can honestly speak for most of America when we say: Sucks to be you.

When All Else Fails: Beat A Dead Horse

One can almost imagine a brainstorming session at the White House last week as Obama realized that he was struggled to sell his health care reform plan to the nation…

“Well, we should go with what works, right?  Have the President give a speech or a press conference.  That’s always works for him in the past.”

“Well, duh!  But we’re going to need something more…”

“We could always blame Bush.”

“Of course.  Blame Bush.  It never fails!”

Why Obama thought he could find a way to blame his floundering effort to socialize health care on former President Bush we don’t know, but the Washington Times has documented his efforts.

With the former president lying low in Dallas, largely focused on crafting his memoirs, Mr. Obama has increasingly attempted to exploit Mr. Bush when discussing the weak economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the difficulty closing the military prison at U.S. Naval Base Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

What is interesting is that Obama apparently realizes the shallowness of putting the nation’s current problems on George W. Bush personally.

Mr. Obama hardly ever refers to Mr. Bush by name. In fact, his Web site, whitehouse.gov, recently scrubbed the name of the former president out of a reference to Hurricane Katrina, which once read: “President Obama will keep the broken promises made by President Bush to rebuild New Orleans and the Gulf Coast.”

Now, the “President Bush” is gone.

Although Mr. Obama’s effort is subtle, his rhetoric is clear. On his first trip overseas, Mr. Obama referred to Mr. Bush’s foreign policy and said the United States has “shown arrogance” and been “dismissive, even derisive.” He said decisions of the past had “lowered our standing in the world.”

In fact, given Obama’s resentment of his “inheritance”, one may wonder why he’d want to take the job at all.

Democratic Party strategist and irony-oblivious douchebag Liz Chadderdon supports the White House effort.

“I think Bush-bashing has been alive and well since ‘07 and, since it keeps working, why not use it?” she said. “Voters have short memories. The administration needs to remind people that things were way worse over the last four years than in the last six months.”

The last four years were worse than the last six months?  In the last six months, the American economy has lost 2.5 million jobs and Obama’s $787 billion stimulus/recovery/”massive handout to Democrat interests”/”whatever it’s being called these days” bill has done nothing to improve things.  Given the choice of living in 2007 or 2009, what would most Americans pick, Liz?  How long is your memory?

Waters: Rahm’s Chickens Coming Home

The Hill reports that Representative Maxine Waters, a liberal California Democrat, places the blame for Barack Obama’s difficulty passing health care on Rahm Emanuel.

Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) blamed now-White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s work as head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC), during which he worked to recruit many centrist candidates, resulting in landslide Democratic victories, for difficulties facing House leaders trying to pass reform legislation.

“That may be difficult for Rahm Emanuel, because remember, he recruited most of them,” Waters said during an interview on MSNBC when asked if the White House could lean on centrist, Blue Dog Democrats to pass reform legislation.

“Now the chickens have come home to roost,” she added.

Of course, Waters doesn’t explain how recruiting more liberal candidates to run in conservative districts would land the Democrats a House majority in the first place.  If she thinks Blue Dog Democrats are an impediment to Obama’s liberal agenda, then would she prefer Republicans?  And why do crazy liberals keep talking about chickens roosting?

Oskaloosa Chiropractor Thinks He’s A Gynecologist

Oskaloosa police arrested 33-year-old chiropractor Jason Daniel Ebelsheiser Monday on five counts of 3rd degree sexual abuse and one count of tampering with records.

By Tuesday morning, however, he was back at work at Hometown Chiropractic, treating patients. Most of the patients in his office defended Ebelsheiser.  There were also those who didn’t.

But one former patient who didn’t want to be identified by face or name painted a different picture.

“He asked me if he could undo my pants and I was like, ‘yeah, OK,’” said the patient.

An Oskaloosa mom wrote on her blog about her experience.

“My main problems are in my hip/pelvis area so I know that in order to fix that his hands are going to be in “sensitive” areas, the thing I’m struggling with is if it is normal or standard for his hands to be down my pants and even underwear,” wrote the patient.

We at Douchebag Report guess that in Oskaloosa, IA, the folks don’t like their alternative medicine that alternative.

Farrakhan Blows It Out His Ass Again…

Let’s see… On the death of Michael Jackson, we’ve heard from… Al Sharpton (check!). Jesse Jacskson (check!). Who are we missing? Oh yeah… Louis Farrakhan. Ah, shit! Here we go:

Citing it as part of a conspiracy to undermine Jackson, Farrakhan said the lawyer told him Jackson had agreed to do 10 concerts but had been booked for 50, and there was concern Jackson would get sued if he couldn’t uphold the agreement.

Farrakhan, 76, also cited the molestation accusation of which Jackson was acquitted as another example of efforts to undermine his success.

During the wide-ranging, 2½-hour speech, Farrakhan said he does not believe Jackson was killed intentionally. Instead, he believes Jackson’s death was the result of a mistake by Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, who is a target of a manslaughter investigation.

Jackson was much more than an entertainer or a “song and dance man” because he and his songs spoke to all races, ethnicities, cultures, generations and across all other barriers, he said.

Farrakhan said he enjoyed spending time with Jackson, and counseled Jackson not to be angry with his father.

Change Is Bad (For Whitehouse.gov)

So much for a complete overhaul and a “slick, new” design for whitehouse.gov:

The traffic at President Obama’s official White House Web site–whitehouse.gov–has fallen from a post-Inauguration peak to nearly the same level it was during the waning days of the Bush administration.

The dramatic drop in traffic has happened despite the Obama Administration’s complete redesign of the site.

According to the web-traffic tracking site Alexa.com, whitehouse.gov was almost the 500th most popular Web site in the world in February. Since then, it has fallen to the 3,732 ranked Web site in the world.  Traffic to the site has fallen 51.6 percent in the last three months.

Doesn’t this seem consistent with America nowadays? Mess something up to unrecognizable oblivion and it’s not so popular… hmmm…

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