The Southern Poverty Law Center: Mostly Full Of It Or Completely Full Of It?

Mark Potok, head of the Intelligence Project of the Southern Poverty Law Center, released a report last week outlining a new threat.

The anti-government militia movement is “surging” across the country, fueled by a changing demographic in the country, the spread of conspiracy theories in mainstream media outlets and fear of a black man in the White House, according to a new report from the Southern Poverty Law Center.

These militias are concentrated in the Midwest, Pacific Northwest and the Deep South, according to Mark Potok, an SPLC staff director who co-wrote the report, the Associated Press says.

Now, we know what you’re thinking:  Douchebag Report, isn’t that the same Mark Potok, the Chicken Little at the Huffington Post, who is always freaking out about Ann Coulter?

The same.

But doesn’t Potok’s obvious agenda risk tainting his work? Possibly, but if Potok is good enough for ABC, CBS and MSNBC, then he should be good enough for the rest of us.

One only needs to look at the case of Dyron L. Hart to see an example of white supremacy rearing its ugly head.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office says 20-year-old Dyron L. Hart of Poplarville pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to making a threat in November 2008.

Hart admitted creating a name [Colten Brodoux] and using a white supremacists’ photo to pose as a white man who planned to kill blacks because Barack Obama had been elected president.

He originally was charged with threatening three black students at Nicholls State — where he had attended one semester — but pleaded guilty Wednesday to one count.

This case fits Potok’s narrative almost perfectly.  The only problem is that Dyron L. Hart is African-American.

Anthony J. Peters: “Knucklehead” With A Pipe (now with actual photo)

HT to Pauly J for finding this douchebag’s MySpace page here.

Anthony J. Peters scored the douchebag  lottery Saturday.  Normally, a loser like himself wouldn’t meet anyone in government higher than the local prosecutor.  Peters got to meet Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett…and used the opportunity beat the mayor severely with a metal pipe.

20-year old Peters was doing what many douchebags spend their Saturday nights doing, having a domestic dispute with his baby mama’s mama.  Imagine his surprise when who else but the mayor, who was leaving the Wisconsin State Fair with his family, decided to intervene.

Peters fled when he heard the sirens of police reporting to the scene, but was arrested about noon Sunday near 17th St. and State St., according to Police Chief Edward A. Flynn.  This was hardly Peters’ first run in with the police.

“He’s somebody the West Allis police are familiar with as one of their local knuckleheads,” Flynn said.

At a news conference Sunday afternoon, the Flynn, West Allis Police Chief Mike Jungbluth and the mayor’s brother John Barrett portrayed Peters as a real winner.

Jungbluth described Peters as a “desperate man” who, according to witnesses, appeared intoxicated and who had threatened to shoot himself and others. He had taken a cell phone from a woman he was confronting, Jungbluth said.

We have to wonder though: If a douchebag threatens to shoot himself, is it really a threat?  If Stephen Hawking threatens to shoot himself (how we’re not sure of, but we’re sure he’s smart enough to think of a way), that’s a threat.  For folks like Anthony Peters, off-ing oneself is less of a threat and more of an obligation.

Douchebag Report would like to echo the comments about Mayor Barrett from Patrice Harris, spokeswoman for the state fair.

“The management of Wisconsin State Fair Park commends Mayor Barrett for his actions as a good Samaritan after his departure from Wisconsin State Fair last night,” Harris said in the statement. “His efforts to aid a citizen’s cries for help should be praised and applauded.”

We’d also like to punch a douchebag like Peters in the face until our hand fractured, just like the mayor did.

UPDATE: Here’s Peters’ mug shot. (HT to TC)

African Tribe Chooses the Worst Possible Prince…Again

The last time the Agni people of the Krindjabo kingdom, a tribe of over one million people in the west African country of Ivory Coast chose a prince, they went with Michael Jackson. After he died, they needed a replacement.

Villagers deep in the rainforest launched a search for a successor to the singer who was crowned prince of the Agni people 17 years ago.

The tribe held an extravagant two-day royal funeral for Michael Jackson. Traditional dancers and lookalikes of the dead singer paraded before the king and 2,000 mourners.

Tribal chiefs appealed to the US embassy to press Jackson’s family to bring his body to the west African country for a burial in accordance with the local tradition of the Sanwi kingdom.

Most of the Agni people survive by subsistence farming or panning for gold, just as they did before Wacko Jacko took the title of “Prince Nana”. In most places in the world, this would be an indicator that an increased level of competence was required from the tribe’s leadership.  Unfortunately, this is a case study on why Africa remains the poorest continent, as Michael Jackson’s heir has been appointed…and he’s another Jackson.

We know what you’re thinking: this would be a perfect fit for Jermajesty’s father Jermaine Jackson.  However, the Celebrity Big Brother UK 2007 veteran lost out to…Jesse.

That’s right, the race-baiter is now a prince in the one place in the world where his only ability, playing the race-card, is useless.

Jesse Jackson was on a three-day visit to the Ivory Coast, invited by the association of “Young Patriots”, who are supporters of President Laurent Gbagbo.

He found himself feted by the tribe and has now inherited the the title of prince – or son – of the Agni from the late star, who was not a relation.

Apparently, the Telegraph’s Foreign staff were so enamored that “the crowning ceremony was attended by bare-chested women” that they said it twice.

Michael Vick Isn’t as Dumb as He Looks

-filed by intrepid Douchebag Report Sports Correspondent Nick Stej

It can be argued that Michael Vick is the dumbest quarterback in the NFL.  Quincy Carter and Ryan Leaf have long since retired/gotten cut by the last team that would sign them.  Vince Young reportedly scored a six out of a possible fifty on his Wonderlic Test, but the fact that Vick squandered what was the richest contract in the history of the league (10 years, $130 million), Vick gets the edge.

Any football fan or animal rights activist can recite to you the atrocities that were committed by Vick in pissing away his lucrative career, but these vile acts bear repeating.  To put it simply, Vick and his cronies shot, electrocuted, drowned, and body slammed pit bulls to death when they lost dogfights at Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels.

“Winning isn’t everything: it’s the only thing.”  Vick didn’t quite understand the proper application of this famous line.  Lombardi’s Packers expressed interest in signing Vick, but were beaten out by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Philly signed Michael Vick to a one year, $1.6 million deal on Friday with a club option for a second year at $5.2 mil.

Vick has made some dumb decisions in his life, but the one he didn’t make may have been his smartest.

Vick was offered a two year, $2.3 million deal by the Cincinnati Bengals, the NFL equivalent of the Portland JailBlazers of a few years ago.

The Bengals roster tallied thirteen arrests in a little over a year, so it makes sense that they would be so hot after a player who spent time in the joint.

My theory is that Vick’s “Spiritual Advisor Tony Dungy,” as Dick Schaap’s son Jeremy calls him, received a received a phone call from Vick.  Dungy, one of the most sane and sober men on this planet, likely responded with something like Mike, are you out of your f**king mind???

It must be nice to have a cross between Bill Walsh and Jiminy Cricket as your mentor.

My advice to you as someone who would like to see you succeed, but is less sane and far less sober than Tony Dungy:

Mike.  Mex.  Can I call you Ron Mexico now that we’re friends?  Ron.  Sit at home, buy the UFC fight on pay per view to satisfy your bloodlust, and for Christ’s sake stay away from the local dog shows.

If you do happen to feel peckish, Ron, but here’s a list of upcoming events courtesy of infodog.com that coincides with your 2009 Eagles regular season schedule:

9/12	@car	Moore County Kennel Club of NC	Pinehurst, NC
9/19	no	Conemaugh County Beagle Club	New Florence, PA
9/26	kc	Lancaster Kennel Club	Lebanon, PA
10/10	tb	Golden Triangle Obedience Training Club	Cheswick, PA
10/16	@oak	Bay Area Rhodesian Ridgeback Club	Livermore, CA
10/25	@was	Susquehanna Retriever Club	Elkton, MD
10/30	nyg	Clarion Canine Obedience Club	Edinboro, PA
11/6-7	dal	Admiral Perry Obedience Club	Edinboro, PA
11/14	@sd	San Luis Obispo Kennel Club	Paso Robles, CA
11/21	@chi	Capitol Canine Training Club…	Springfield, IL
11/27	was	Valley Forge Basset Hound Club	Creamery, PA
12/5	@atl	South Georgia Coonhunters Association	Dawson, GA
12/12	@nyg	(Dog Show Bye Week)
12/20	sf	Santa’s Little Helper Association	Springfield, NJ
12/31	den	Upper Chesapeake Bay Saluki Club	Hanover, PA
1/2	@dal	Amarillo Obedience Training Club	Amarillo, TX

Jimmy Carter: Best of Living Ex-Presidents

The liberals are trying to make a big deal out of this: Rasmussen reported that Jummy Carter is the best of living Ex-Presidents. For starters, Rasmussen, what the hell kind of survey is this anyway? I mean, really, what’s the point? According to Rasmussen:

For nearly one-out-of-three voters (32%), Jimmy Carter is the living ex-president who has done the best job since leaving the White House according to a Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey.

Carter, who served in the White House from 1977 to 1981, ranks first amont the surviving presidents.

Well, no shit. The best thing Jimmy Carter did since leaving the White House was to actually leave the White House, so I’m inclined to agree with these results.

We Were Warned

Ronald Reagan Speaks Out Against Socialized Medicine

Here is an audio track featuring (then private citizen) Ronald Reagan speaking out against socialized medicine. This track dates back to 1961 and is part of the “Operation Coffee Cup Campaign against Socialized Medicine,” formed to combat Democrats asking for socialized health care. We have to consider ourselves warned:

MSM: Media’s Short Memory

If you’ve had the misfortune of stumbling across any of the mainstream media outlets in the past few days, you’ve undoubtedly been bombarded by the “growing hate in America,” the “galvanization of hate groups in America,” and the growing concern for President Barack Hussein Obama’s safety. This issue seems to have come to a head with the recent posters depicting Obama as Hitler, or as the Joker.  Here’s a sampling of the headlines of the past day or so:

Fear for Obama’s Safety Grows as Hate Groups Thrive on Racial Backlash

Clermont police interview suspect in Obama ‘Joker’ posters

Obama-Nazi Sign Made By Ill Woman on Medicare

Well, guess what? The mainstream media seems to forget that Liberals were just as bad during the Bush administration. Check out the Zombietime blog showing plenty of demonstration posters depicting Bush as Hitler and other outlandish Nazi references. Where was the mainstream media coverage then?

Judge Robert Nalley Deflates The Tires Of His Career

Apparently unaware of the invention of the tow truck, Maryland Judge Robert Nally attempt at parking enforcement has forced him to resign as chief administrator of the Circuit Court after he deflated the tire of an illegally parked car.

In a letter submitted Thursday to Maryland Court of Appeals Chief Judge Robert Bell, Nalley made no reference to this week’s controversy over the tire deflation.

Nalley told 9NEWS NOW that he let out the air because leaving notes for illegal parkers is not effective.

La Plata Police Chief Cassin Gittings says an investigation into the tire deflation was continuing.

The owner of the car says a sheriff’s deputy told her Monday that Nalley was deflating her tire and she moved her car.

Judge Nally reminds us of another douchebag judge.

UPDATE:

William D. Missouri, chief administrative judge of Maryland’s 7th Circuit, has suspended Judge Robert Nalley from sitting on criminal cases until the matter is resolved.

Al Garcia: Defense Attorney, Meth Rapist

Some defense lawyers are noble defenders of an accused defendant’s constitutional rights in the court of law.  Others are just douchebags.

Al Garcia, last seen in the Douchebag Report unsuccessfully defending explosive intern Jennifer Nicole Anato-Mensah, has been charged with criminal sexual conduct in the third degree.

The allegations go back to last August, when a client says she showed up at Garcia’s office where pictures of Garcia with former Vice President Al Gore and President Bill Clinton hang on the wall.

She says Garcia looked like he had been partying. Then, he forced her to have sex with him. She said he boasted that he was “connected” and “plugged in.”

“Connected” and “plugged in” to what, her vagina?

The former Minneapolis City Hall insider is a douchebag among douchebags.

He was a power broker and deal maker, closely connected to then City Council President Jackie Cherryhomes, and indicted councilmember Joe Bienat among others.

But Garcia’s world started unraveling in February, when Anoka County prosecutors charged Garcia and his assistant with accepting methamphetamine as payment from a client. Those charges were dropped.

But his legal assistant, Misty Iverson, now faces federal charges of methamphetamine distribution, in which Garcia figures prominently.

Garcia is out on bail. The Minnesota Supreme Court recently placed his law license on a two-year probation for what’s described as “unethical terms in a fee agreement” and for making unauthorized charges on a client’s credit card.

Perhaps this has all been legal research on Garcia’s part.  After all, he can’t really understand his clients unless he’s actually been out in the world, committing crimes.

Hot Chick With Douchebag?

This post is a likely candidate for the other popular “douchebag” site, but we’re going for the content of the story here:

A Gahanna police officer filed a $3.5 million lawsuit against the city and the police department, claiming he endured “a humiliating and intolerable working environment” after his wife appeared nude for Playboy.

Ron Fithen filed the lawsuit last week in Franklin County, 10TV’s Maureen Kocot reported. 

According to the suit, Fithen claimed that the city refused to give him paid leave to drill with the U.S. Army National Guard that was scheduled from July through December.

Brian Zets, the attorney representing Gahanna, said that the city offered to change the officer’s schedule.

“(Fithen) just said, ‘I need to be accommodated so I can fulfill my Ohio National Guard duties’ and the city said, ‘Absolutely.  Here’s what we proposed,’ and he just refused to do it,” Zets said.

Fithen also claimed that his supervisor, Deputy Chief Ken Bell, told the U.S. Army National Guard that the officer was incompetent and dishonest and would soon be terminated.

“I’m confident that Deputy Chief Bell did not say anything that was defamatory or false in any way,” Zets said.

In looking at this guy’s photo, I think the backstory is fairly obvious. First, he’s a douchebag, and a below-average looking douchebag at that. Somehow, he ended up with a hot wife. He now spends his days and nights kowtowing to the high maintenance “trophy wife” that decides to explore her artistic side a la Playboy. Despite his protest, she poses anyway, because she clearly wears the pants in the family and he’ll do anything to keep her.

Now that her photos are made public, there’s nothing left to the imagination, and he’s got nothing to lord over his fellow officers anymore. In a desparate attempt to make everything right, the officer decides to sue. Kudos to our latest douchebag to file a frivolous lawsuit.

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