Pimps Up, ACORN Down

For those of you who have been sharing a cave with Charlie Gibson this past week, ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now) got itself in a little bit of trouble giving financial advice to James O’Keefe, 25, and Hannah Giles, 20, who posed as a pimp and his ho in its Baltimore, Washington and Brooklyn offices.

Now it looks like these allegations, combined with investigations into ACORN voter registration fraud, have forced the US government to pull their funding for the organization.  The organization has received $53 million from the American taxpayer since 1994, but with Obama in the white House, their exploitation of the American people was only just beginning…until now.

This is an opportunity for the United States Senate to stand up and say ‘Enough is enough’ just as the Census Bureau did,” said Republican Senator Mike Johanns, the measure’s sponsor.

The bill includes $165 million for housing-counseling programs and $4 billion to help poor communities weather the worst recession since the 1930s.

ACORN said the Senate’s action was disappointing but would have little impact on its overall operations.

That’s right, ACORN loses out on $4 BILLION and says that it won’t effect its operations.

“The only real victims of today’s vote are the families who have benefited from ACORN’s important work,” ACORN chief Bertha Lewis said in a statement posted on the group’s website.

So take a moment to think about those poor underage girls who won’t be trafficked from Latin America to turn tricks in ACORN-assisted, taxpayer-funded brothels.

Kanye West: Still Pushing The Douchebag Envelope

It must be tough being Kanye West.  Imagine waking up every morning and having to find a way to let everyone know that you are a bigger douchebag than you were the day before.

Fortunately, he has a genius for this kind of thing.  Compare how West tops the last time he made the Douchebag Report with his latest antic.

Last time, he was speaking in an interview, a forum where at least someone (the interviewer) gave a damn about what Kanye had to say.

This time, however, the rapper-producer decided to unleash his opinions on an audience who was listening to what someone else, Taylor Swift, was already in the middle of saying.  She was in the middle of accepting an MTV VMA award when this happened:

This event puts the Douchebag Report in the odd situation of agreeing with Dane Cook, who tweeted “Kanye did something incredible tonight. He made me like country music. Kanye is now a Kanyunt.”

Likewise, it puts us in the odd situation of drawing attention to a television network which doesn’t show music videos, but still seems entitled to give out awards for them.  Normally, this would, at best, entitle them to their own Douchebag Report.  Hell, inviting Kanye should entitle one to one of our worst floggings, but once Kanye opened his mouth, we entered a new order of douchebag magnitude.

For this, we have to take our hat off to the man.  Of course, then we’d like to take his head off with it, Odd Job-style.

Caught On Tape: ACORN Enables Would-Be Prostitute

According to their website, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (or ACORN):

ACORN has been building community organizations that are committed to social and economic justice, won victories on thousands of issues of concern to our members, through direct action, negotiation, legislative advocacy and voter participation. ACORN helps those who have been historically locked out become powerful players in our democratic system.

In these shockingly real videos (also shown below), one observes just how committed ACORN is to social and economic justice, and how they enable those “locked out” become participants in our democratic system.

In these videos, you will see an undercover investigation in which ACORN advises a would-be “prostitute” on legitimizing a sex trafficking business, underage prostitution, tax evasion, money laundering, and pimp avoidance.

Lest you forget, ACORN is a TAXPAYER FUNDED organization, and President Barack Hussein Obama has deep-rooted ties to this dark criminal enterprise.

Keith Olbermann Goes All flag@whitehouse.gov On Glenn Beck

Keith Olbermann woke up Sunday morning, learned that Van Jones had resigned after conservatives exposed his Radical/Communist/Truther tendencies, and thought “What would Obama do?”

Thinking back about a month, Olbermann suddenly shrieked “Eureka!” (or “Mr Dictionary has failed us yet again!” or whatever) and wrote a column for Daily Kos, demanding readers send him all the dirt they have on Glenn Beck, Stu Burguiere and Roger Ailes.

Tuesday we will expand this to the television audience and have a dedicated email address to accept leads, tips, contacts, on Beck, his radio producer Burguiere, and the chief of his tv enablers, Ailes (even though Ailes’ power was desperately undercut when he failed to pull off his phony “truce” push).

A dedicated email address?  Apparently flag@whitehouse.gov is inactive, so perhaps Mr. Olbermann would like to reopen it under new management.

Perhaps because Olbermann wasn’t fully awake, or possibly because he wasn’t actually channeling the newly-mortal President, he didn’t use the term “fishy” in his plea-for-dirt.

Glenn Beck, meanwhile, is dancing on the grave of Van Jones’ political career.

Douchebag Report readers, check back to this article soon.  We’ll update it with whichever email address Olbermann settles on when it becomes available.  Then you’ll be able to send in all your great “tips”.

Rep. Baron Hill Ends Up On YouTube In A Compromising Position

Just because one knows the results of a policy doesn’t mean one can stop the inevitable, as Rep. Baron Hill (D., Ind.) demonstrates.  A young journalism student took the Representative to task for not allowing his town meeting to be filmed, and Baron Hill explained that such videos usually end up on YouTube.

Constituent: First of all, for journalism students, why can’t we film this? We have school projects, and I have just been taken aside and told that I can’t film this. I’m not disrupting, I’m keeping my opinions to myself, but now that I’m not getting to do this for a project, I was going to ask a question. I just–why can’t I film this? Isn’t this my right?

Hill: Well, this is my town-hall meeting, and I set the rules, and I’ve had these rules– [audience jeers]

Let me repeat that one more time! This is my town hall meeting for you [more jeering]. And you’re not going to tell me how to run my congressional office. Now, the reason for why I don’t allow filming is because usually the films that are done end up on YouTube in a compromising position.

In the Congressman’s defense, he’s absolutely correct.  See him in a compromised position in the YouTube video here:

Rangel’s Race Tangle

When Congressman Charles Rangel, Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committe isn’t cheating on his taxes, he’s launching incendiary racial slurs that anger many, including ranking members of his own party. His most recent bloviation has even angered the uber-liberal Washington Post, now calling for his resignation.

The latest political disturbance from the to come from the Congressman who oft resembles Mr. Potato Head is over President Barack Obama’s plan to overhaul the national health care system:

“Some Americans have not gotten over the fact that Obama is President of the United States. They go to sleep wondering, ‘how did this happen?’”

Rangel also likened the fight to provide health care for the uninsured to the fight for civil rights.

“Why do black people have to bargain for what is theirs? Why do we have to wait for the right to vote? Why can’t we get what God has given us? And that is the right to live as human beings and not negotiate with white southerners and not court the votes. Just do the right thing,” Rangel said.

Rangel should do the right thing and resign in disgrace. Personally, I go to sleep at night wondering how Charlie Rangel happened. The sad reality is that American voters shouldn’t be all that surprised over such a comment from such a man. The “race card” is, by the way, the only page in Rangel’s playbook.  The only real solution to this whole dilemma is to replace Rangel, along with all of the other majority Democrats that are now losing popularity by the minute.

Dr. Tax-and-Spend or: How Robert Reich Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Deficit

According to former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill, when, in 2002, he warned Dick Cheney that the budget deficit was expected to top $500 billion, Cheney retorted, “You know, Paul, Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.”

Apparently, Robert Reich, midget Labor Secretary under Clinton, has mixed batches of Cheney- and Obama-flavored Kool-Aid (probably spiked with Marxist Everclear) and chugged it all. Then he chased it with some of Biden’s Buckler beer.

In a column titled “Why the deficit hysteria?  I only wish we’d borrow more” Reich lays out that deficits don’t matter because we’ll outgrow them anyway and that Obama should be spending even more.

Pay close attention, in particular, to the debt-to-GDP ratio. True, that ratio is heading in the wrong direction right now – it’s likely to reach 80% by the end of 2010. That’s high, but not compared with the 119% it reached in 1945, after the ravages of depression and war.

That’s right.  We’re not in trouble because we’re not as far in debt as we were at the end of World War Two.  Then we’d engaged in great power warfare against two major world powers and one minor one and supplied most of the free and Communist worlds to do it. Now, well…you see, the schools in California need more money…

Every expert who has looked closely at America’s crumbling infrastructure knows how badly it suffers from decades of deferred maintenance: bridges collapsing, water pipes bursting, sewers backed up, highways impassable, public transport in disrepair. Many schools are also falling apart, literally and figuratively. Schools in my new home state of California have laid off teachers, shredded their curriculums and shortened their school days, all for want of tax revenue during this deep recession. And unless this nation reduces its greenhouse gases, it and the rest of the world are heading for lots more trouble.

Reich then channels Biden.  Those of you who have been keeping up on current events will remember the last time Obama let him out in public, Joe Biden had some interesting things to say about the administration’s financial plans.

We’re going to go bankrupt as a nation,” Biden said.
“Now, people when I say that look at me and say, ‘What are you talking about, Joe? You’re telling me we have to go spend money to keep from going bankrupt?’” Biden said. “The answer is yes, that’s what I’m telling you.”

Here’s our undersized Labor Secretary’s take:

In this respect, national budgets are like family budgets. It’s dumb for an indebted family to borrow more money to take a world cruise. But it’s smart even for an indebted family to borrow money to send their kids to college. So too with the Obama budget. Public investments, just like family investments, build future wealth. They allow faster growth. They make the debt-to-GDP ratio even lower and more manageable over time.

The problem with the Democrats is that they think that it’s a given that college makes people more productive, while we at the Douchebag Report found that college is geared towards creating more Democrats, which only makes people bigger whiners.

Fortunately for the country’s financial health, the Republicans have somehow convinced the Democrats that they actually matter, politically.  How a completely demoralized and unorganized GOP managed to distract the Left’s drunken sailors from the nation’s open vault, after they’d grabbed everything in the tills, we’ll never know.  Maybe they were just laughing to hard at the midget trying to outspend them.

Posterity

Here’s an adaptation of a Lord Byron quote, which is quite fitting for the late Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Douchebag):

“Posterity will never survey a nobler grave than this:

Here lie the bones of Kennedy: Stop, traveler, and piss.”

Free Coffee Goes Up In Smoke

In yet another example of why it’s usually a bad idea to have the government make lifestyle choices for the people, New York City is hassling a tobacco store owner for having a $9,000 coffee machine in his cigar shop, Barclay Rex.

Vince Nastri III, third-generation proprietor of the palace of puff, said his problems started in June when Health Department inspectors came to check up on complaints that cigar odors were wafting to the upper floors of the building at 75 Broad Street, according to the paper.

That complaint was unfounded, but an inspector noticed the coffee machine, which customers used to make free espressos and cappuccinos, and said it was illegal.

Nastri was issued a citation, which can lead to fines between $200 and $2000, and now finds himself between a rock and a hard place. Even to give coffee away for free he needs a permit to operate as a food-service establishment, but then smoking would be banned in his shop.

Who benefits from this?