Soldier Takes Four Years To Read Job Description; Deserts to Germany

Andre Shepard was shocked to learn that the Apache helicopter gunships he was working as a mechanic on were being used to kill people. So he has deserted to Germany and is seeking asylum there.

Andre Shepherd, 31, who served in Iraq between September 2004 and February 2005 as an Apache helicopter mechanic in the 412th Aviation Support Battalion, has been living in Germany since deserting last year.

“When I read and heard about people being ripped to shreds from machine guns or being blown to bits by the Hellfire missiles I began to feel ashamed about what I was doing,” Shepherd told a Frankfurt news conference Thursday.

“I could not in good conscience continue to serve.”

Shepherd, originally from Cleveland, Ohio and ranked as an army specialist, applied for asylum in Germany Wednesday, said Tim Huber from the Military Counseling Network, a non-military group which is assisting him.

Does the Army give ASVAB waivers to helicopter mechanics these days or is this douchebag just playing dumb?

Juergen Gansel Is A Douchebag

Juergen Gansel, a deputy in the Saxony state legislature for the far-right (and ironically named) National Democratic Party of Germany released a statement on Barack Obama’s election which may, initially, sound like the typical adoration that has been voiced by people around the globe.

The statement, titled “Africa conquers the White House”, declared that Obama intends to destroy America’s “white identity” and “pure” national cultures.

“A non-white America is a declaration of war on all people who believe an organically grown social order based on language and culture, history and heritage to be the essence of humanity. Barack Obama hides this declaration of war behind his pushy sunshine smile.”

Gansel warned, “Many people in the ‘diverse’ republic Germany have been swept up in Obama fever which resembles an African tropical disease.”

Douchebag Report speculates that he may be referring to Ebola, which causes internal and external hemorrhage from orifices, or possible Dengue fever, characterized by fever, extreme pain in the joints and muscles, and a skin eruption.

“It would be a gross irony of history if the first black president drove his clientele of minorities to openly revolt due to his grandiose domestic failure, and the much-touted American dream became a nightmare.”

We’re a little confused why Germans would attack Obama on race when he has so many obvious defects and deficiencies, but we’re also confused as to why Obama wants to raise its esteem with these people.

If you want to hear what an effeminate wierdo Juergen Gansel is, watch him speaking here: