Why Would Anyone Want To Marry Anthony Hardwick?

Say what you will about the #Occupy movements, they have brought all the self-righteous douchebags out of the woodwork for everyone to see. Normally such individuals would keep their musings to the comment sections of Huffington Post and Democratic Underground. Now, they’re out in the open, letting everyone know how entitled they really feel.

We all know a certain type of co-worker, the kind who dedicate their lives to getting out of as much work as possible. Someone with an array of doctor’s notes, strict “religious beliefs”, a grueling amount of family commitments and, now, a Change.org petition.

For Anthony Hardwick, Thanksgiving has special meaning. Last year, he proposed to his girlfriend, Denise, in front of her whole family during the holiday.

This year though, he will be working. A part-time employee at Target in Omaha, Neb., Hardwick said his manager requested he start his shift at 11 p.m. In order to make it through the night, he’ll need to sleep on Thanksgiving Day.

“My fiancé is sad because I was supposed to have Thanksgiving dinner with her family, and talk about wedding plans,” he said. “It’s kind of a raw deal,” he said.

Hardwick started an online petition entitled “Tell Target to Save Thanksgiving,” in the hope that the retailer would push the store opening back to Friday to allow workers to spend more time with family. Working with online advocacy site Change.org, he has collected more than 80,000 signatures as of Tuesday.

Now, we know what you are wondering who decides to get married when they’re still working at a Target but that’s a question for another day. The more pressing question is why Anthony Hardwick would be making such a fuss when he wasn’t even scheduled to work. That’s right, not scheduled to work in the first place.

“The team member you are referencing is not now, and has never been, scheduled to work on Thanksgiving or Black Friday at Target,” company spokeswoman Molly Snyder said Wednesday via email.

So things are starting to smell funny.

“A full holiday with family is not just for the elite of this nation,” the petition reads. “All Americans should be able to break bread with loved ones and get a good night’s rest on Thanksgiving!”

But Target had a different take. The Target email said, “In early November, he (Hardwick) informed his Target managers that he was scheduled to work at his other job on Black Friday and indicated that he needed the day off from Target. We honored that request.”

The Target email continued, “Target does our best to work around the schedules of all of our team members, making every effort to accommodate their requests. Target will offer holiday pay to all hourly team members who work on Thanksgiving Day.”

So Anthony Hardwick, @KCHooligan00 on Twitter, is not only trying to reduce the paychecks of his fellow workers, by cutting them off from extra holiday pay, he also lied to Target, Change.org, and the general public. What kind of girl wants to marry the Boy Who Cried Wolf? Why do leftist agitators have LinkedIn profiles?

We’re have found a new petition at Change.org: Anthony Hardwick: Stop trying to petition Target, and go to work like a normal American.

Christopher Ford: Sweet Potato Douchebag

When most people endure a Thanksgiving dinner that’s not up to their liking, they suck it up.

Not Christopher Ford, 46 of Indiantown, Florida.

On Thanksgiving, Christopher Ford, 46, went to his home on the 8400 block of Southeast Fern Street. When he got home he asked for something to eat, according to the report.
But Ford was upset with the meal his girlfriend fixed for him and they got into an argument in the kitchen. While arguing, Ford picked up the sweet potato pie his girlfriend had recently removed from the oven and slammed it into her face, according to the report.
Ford ran outside the rear door of the residence when the woman’s three teenagers went into the kitchen to see what the ruckus was and saw their mom with pie on her face, according to the report.

So that’s nice.

After deputies arrived, the victim was transported to Martin Memorial Hospital South to treat the burns and blisters on her neck from the hot pie, according to the report.
Later that night deputies found and arrested Ford. He was charged with domestic battery and was released on a $5,000 on Friday, said Rhonda Irons, the Martin County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson.

And that’s why Christopher Ford is a douchebag.

PETA Releases Parody Video Game

In a bid for attention that’s qualitatively inferior to just getting attractive actresses and models to get naked, PETA has released a parody of the video game Cooking Mama: World Kitchen, Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals, the Unauthorized PETA Edition. From the PETA press release:

In the original version, players score points for assembling a meal. That also applies in PETA’s parody, but with this Thanksgiving dinner, players also must go through the motions of plucking the turkey’s feathers, pulling out the bird’s intestines, and cutting off the animal’s head. All the while, a demonic cleaver-wielding Mama takes delight in the agony. When the player beats the game, Mama has a change of heart and replaces her bloodlust with a craving for tofu-turkey. Along the way, players can unlock bonuses such as vegetarian Thanksgiving recipes and undercover footage from a turkey slaughterhouse. PETA also encourages players to contact Majesco to ask for a “Cooking Mama” game with all vegetarian recipes.

Do you know what makes undercover footage from a turkey slaughterhouse look appetizing?

Vegetarian Thanksgiving recipes.